


Mistakes and Reconciliation

by fanfic_for_malec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Both boys are equally dumb here, Confusion, Don't question Alec's feelings, Dubious Consent, Fist Fights, Friendship/Love, Jealous Magnus Bane, Jealousy, Lots of drunk weirdness, M/M, Magnus doesn't know what he is doing, Mutual Pining, Mutual hurt, Sebastian is good, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-03-02 16:26:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18814639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfic_for_malec/pseuds/fanfic_for_malec
Summary: They are college students who are best friends since childhood. One night of drunken mistake and their friendship starts to crumble. Or has it been put to test ever since they both hit teenage?Both of their stubborn nature put them in more complicated situations than they ever wanted to face. From unwanted judgments to some mistaken nights to misinterpreted jealousy to unnecessary fist-fight to finding themselves in new lights to impromptu car-wash to a very unwanted kiss to jumping in a pool - how long things can go complete south before turning a little north? Will the friendship survive all the test or snap under all the chaos? Will Magnus and Alec survive or will they lose?





	Mistakes and Reconciliation

**Author's Note:**

> I mean no disrespect to any community or any stereotyping anyone at all. It's just how I pictured the characters only.

Alec and Magnus are college students. They go to the same college. Alec is in the engineering department and Magnus is in Arts. Clary and Simon are Magnus’s best friends. Alec has Jace as a best friend and his a-year-younger sister Izzy.

But all six of them live in the same neighborhood and go to the same college in their town. Magnus and Alec know each other from childhood. They grew up together living half a block apart. They were the best friend to each other ever since they can remember. But since they both hit puberty, Alec changed differently and Magnus took a completely different turn than Alec. Everybody could feel the crack in their friendship getting bigger by the day as they graduated school.

Magnus is always the open-minded and sharp tongue one. He is never shy about anything. He never was in his life. So when he discovered himself as Bisexual, he didn’t hesitate to take advantage of that and dating almost 99% of students in the school which for him was just fun. Alec, on the other hand, was the shy one. He didn’t even let his most trusting sister find out he is gay. He kept it hidden from everyone.

Alec’s secret bothered Magnus. Alec wouldn’t talk to Magnus about it. So Magnus started ignoring it altogether after some time of pestering. Alec saw his best friend giving up on him. His non-existent love life gave Magnus more liberty to make fun of him everywhere. Magnus wasn’t brutal or insensitive. He just took his jokes too far some times. But it crossed the limit the night during a truth-and-dare game Magnus seriously dared Alec to kiss him back so that Alec can establish the fact for sure if he’s gay or not. Alec had never felt betrayed and mad at Magnus and his nonchalant don’t-care-attitude like that ever before.

Magnus didn’t change at all. He kept changing partners. He isn’t a bad person. He just can’t settle his mind on one thing or person. He is always the fickle minded one. He is born incurable romantic. He fell in love as easily as he fell out of them. Everything in Magnus’s life is just fun. He has no future planning, no prospect of staying in a relationship and working on it, never. And Alec understood that quite early in his life.

It was the night of their prom when Alec actually did what Magnus had suggested him once. He kissed a boy. It felt good, right even. Kissing a boy felt right. Alec was sure he wouldn’t feel the same kissing a girl. Looking at girls never excited him as much as looking at the bare chest of best friend excited him sometimes. But kissing that particular boy didn’t feel right. It was sweet, cute even. But it wasn’t exciting. It didn’t make his heart soar or set a flutter in his stomach. Alec didn’t feel any connections, any excitement, nothing. But one thing he was sure that he was gay.

Magnus got drunk the night of prom. He abandoned his girlfriend Dot and kissed some other girl who looked older than them. And then suddenly that summer Magnus was in an exclusive relationship with that same girl, Camille, who already was a final year college student. That was the single time Magnus acted as if something mattered… well, Camille mattered. Magnus chased after her like a loyal puppy. He did whatever Camille told him to do. He didn’t care if any of those was right or wrong. Magnus Bane was in love, with Camille Belcourt. The whole town soon knew that.

Camille was last straw to Alec and Magnus’s friendship. She took Magnus away from everyone and gave him a taste of another life that Magnus couldn’t escape, a life full of excitement, party, clothes, makeup, pretty girls and handsome boys. In other words, Camille became Magnus’s Sugar mama and Magnus was happy to be strung along.

Alec knew Magnus was naïve and childish. Alec knew Camille didn’t love him. Alec knew Magnus didn’t love her either. And Alec tried to Magnus see through that. That was his biggest mistake. Magnus called him some offensive words and all and even threw a few punches when Alec had lost temper and called Camille some offensive words too. That night Alec had come home with bruises all over his face. But the bruise on the inside, on his heart, was bigger than ever. Even after all that Alec didn’t stop caring about Magnus. Alec didn’t forget their childhood promise to each other, that they’ll always be with each other no matter what, that their friendship will always win. Alec was desperately holding onto that, their not-so-existent-anymore friendship.

Magnus never learned his limit about alcohol. He never considered himself as drunk. According to him, he has a stomach of steel. He couldn’t get drunk ever. All the hangovers weren’t enough to clear it out for him since when he started to drink almost every night with Camille and every morning he woke up with a hangover. To him, it was "normal". In several parties, Alec had seen Magnus flirting, kissing and doing more with multiple people, girls, and boys. Alec always felt something wrong with him whenever he saw Magnus kissing someone, be in school or college or out somewhere. Alec always had that funny feeling.

Magnus received his wake up call the night Camille broke that news to him that she was done with him. She found someone new. They were only in the beginning of their college life. Alec was there that night when Camille gave that news to Magnus in the middle of the party, in front of the whole crowd. Magnus was still sober enough to understand what was happening. Alec again had felt funny that night. But that time it was a little different. He couldn’t look at Magnus. That idiot actually had the decency to look heartbroken.

 

Magnus wasn’t in a situation to go home alone. He went to Alec instead once he saw the taller boy in the crowd. Alec didn’t say anything but took him home. Magnus begged him to stay with him, for some time. They sat on the window ledge in Magnus’s room. Magnus brought out a bottle of whiskey from under his bed. Alec wasn’t a much drinker but he stayed to accompany Magnus who started drinking straight from the bottle. They didn’t say anything. They sat in the silence. Whenever Magnus passed him the bottle, Alec took small sips. But raw whiskey was enough to make him feel lightheaded. If Magnus drank the three-quarter of the bottle, Alec drank the rest of it. By midnight, both the boys were buzzed, Magnus may be a bit more than Alec.

Magnus went to sit on his bed but he slipped down on the silk cover of his duvet and settled on the floor. Alec went to help him but Magnus pulled at his wrist and made him sit beside him. They sat there for some time, both without the knowledge of the time. Alec laid his head back on the bed that made his neck stretch showing a bit of his pale skin. Magnus sat sidewise and leaned on the bed. He was staring at Alec with droopy-eyed. Magnus followed Alec’s Adam’s apple bobbing when the boy gulped to breathe. Magnus suddenly raised his hand and traced a finger on Alec’s throat. Alec jumped at the touch; his eyes snapped at Magnus. In the darkness of the room, their eyes sparkled brightly and they stared at each other both not knowing what was happening.

Magnus gulped. His alcohol-induced brain was telling him that Alec, his best friend was sexy and handsome and beautiful and his lips are really, really kissable and his long pale neck was perfect to adorn with multiple hickeys and he shouldn’t hesitate and do it. So Magnus did it.

Magnus placed his right hand on Alec’s left cheek that made the boy frown slightly. Magnus reached up and kissed those plump, red and inviting lips of his best friend. And fucking hell it felt good. It felt better than kissing anyone else ever. Magnus pulled back for a moment to see Alec had his eyes closed. Magnus leaned in for another kiss.

That time Alec kissed back matching Magnus’s pace and urgency. Magnus felt heat pooling in his stomach which actually shocked him because he never felt it so soon with anyone, definitely not after one kiss for the first time ever. Magnus kissed Alec more and more and more; licking his lips, opening his mouth and pushing his tongue in, sucking and nibbling… everything. Magnus practically devoured his best friend’s mouth. And it tasted so sweet, so heavenly that Magnus was feeling heady.

Magnus didn’t notice when Alec’s hands went on to his hips and he was straddling Alec almost sitting on his lap. Magnus let his fingers wander into Alec’s soft hair and Alec moaned, loudly. It turned on Magnus so much that he wanted Alec to make more sounds like that. In heat of passion, he sat down on Alec’s lap and ground his hip against Alec’s and traced Alec’s jaw with his lips.

Alec had his head thrown back; opening his neck more giving Magnus more space to kiss. Magnus let his lips wander everywhere until he found a spot right under his ear that made Alec writhe under him and gripping tighter. Magnus felt Alec’s arms enclosing him closely and pulling him closer; their bodies flushed against each other. That made Magnus roll his hip against Alec which gave both of them the idea of the height of their arousal. They both were painfully hard.

From somewhere Alec got the inhuman strength and stood up with Magnus in his arms and still kissing his neck. Alec threw Magnus on the bed and straddled Magnus. He swiftly took off his shirt and jumped into Magnus’s neck. Magnus let Alec kiss him for a while before he rolled them and he was on top. Alec made short work on his shirt and pushed it off of his shoulder. Magnus dived in to kiss Alec again, on the lips and grind their bulge together at the same time. They both were moaning uncontrollably in each other’s mouth right until Alec rolled them back again. He slid off the bed and got out of his jeans in a flash. Then he helped Magnus kick out of his own. They were in their boxers and didn’t spare a moment to look at each other or use any words. Magnus dragged Alec on to him rubbing their naked bodies with his wrist.

They both were high, on alcohol, on lust and desire and on libido. Both of their bodies screamed for release as they devoured each other’s skin. They both had stopped thinking a long ago. Their primary instinct to mate won over every logical function of their brains. Magnus rolled over Alec again getting on top. They continuously kissed and rubbed their bodies against each other until they both felt the heat getting too much.

Magnus sat back on his heels and pushed a hand in Alec’s boxer, grabbing his warm, velvety smooth, hard and slightly leaking cock. Alec arched his body in pleasure and yanked on Magnus’s hair as Magnus closed his fingers around Alec’s hardness and start moving in up and down manner. Alec took a few seconds before sitting up a bit making Magnus scoot a bit back. It gave Magnus a lot of space to do Alec properly. Alec spared Magnus’s movement one look before sliding his own hand inside Magnus’s boxer and grabbing his hardness. They both moved their hands in the same rhythm and watched each other with eyes full of wonder and pleasure and pulled each other in deep kisses until they both spilled together in each other’s hands at the same time, both throwing their head back and almost screaming through their release.

It was Alec who fell back on the bed first after grabbing both of their boxers and handing Magnus his. Mechanically they both slipped them on. Magnus rolled off Alec and lay beside him - after wiping them both clean with his discarded shirt - on his stomach, throwing one leg over Alec. They fell asleep cuddling.

 

Next morning Magnus woke up feeling heavy headed and cranky. But the only difference was he wasn’t sleeping on his own bed; it felt way softer than his own. He cracked an eye open to see in where he was and if he had his clothes on or not. Instead, he saw the familiar flower patterned silk cover of his duvet.

Okay, so it never happened that he didn’t remember coming home at the night or spend the night at someone else’s but there he was in his room on his bed but half of his body was on something even softer. Magnus leaned back to see the body beside him which he was cuddling with every limb but he just jumped back and fell off his bed. He fell with a loud thud that woke up Alec.

Alec sat up groggily running hands through his hair. Magnus stared at him from the floor. Alec was bare-chested, just like him and sun through his half-open curtains caught Alec’s pale skin. Magnus gulped involuntarily. He realized he spent a whole night cuddling his best friend. For fucking hell, he was staring at his best friend. Alec slowly opened his eyes to look at Magnus on the floor.

“What the hell are you doing down there?” Alec asked in a  raspy voice.

Magnus needed a moment to reply. He didn’t understand why his heart was beating like a rat being chased bunch of cats.

“What are you doing here?” he finally managed to find his voice.

“What do you mean?” Alec frowned deeply, “You asked me to stay last night.”

He was fully awake and sat cross-legged on the bed. The duvet fell off his body to show he was also wearing just his boxer underneath.

“Why are we both in my bed in boxers? What the fuck happened here?” Magnus panicked and ran a hand through his hair.

“What?” Alec was confused. They stared at each other until he realized Magnus didn’t remember the night. “Umm… I think… we were… too drunk…”

Alec was having a minor headache. He felt better than he actually deserved to. But it hurt him more, that Magnus didn’t remember anything. So he lied. Unfortunately, all the memories came back to him the moment he woke up, every single damn thing they did that night.

“Alec… Don’t lie…” Magnus narrowed his eyes at Alec, “I think I know myself pretty well… did we… we didn’t, no… did we?”

“Will it matter?” Alec asked after a pause. Magnus still stared at him awkwardly before getting up and sitting on the bed, facing Alec.

“It’ll matter if it messes with our friendship.” Magnus softly took Alec’s hand into his own. Alec looked at their hand before looking up at Magnus, “You are my best friend, Alec. And I understand last night was a mistake. As you said - we both were drunk. So it doesn’t matter, Alec, to me. Please, don’t let it come in between our friendship. My girlfriend just broke up with me. I was distressed. I didn’t mean to do any of that to you, Alec. I swear it wasn’t my intention. I don’t wanna lose you for my stupidity.” Magnus blabbered. He sounded awful and trying to hide behind some lame excuses.

Alec saw Magnus actually caring for him after a long time. Camille had changed Magnus so much that he had forgotten their friendship. And Alec had missed Magnus a lot; he missed his best friend. Being with Jace wasn’t the same as being with Magnus. So he swallowed down his feelings and shook his head, “No, no. I get it. It’s alright. We were drunk. It happened. It’s okay. It wouldn’t come in between our friendship.”

Alec looked away from Magnus and to their hands. His stomach twisted. His own words hurt him. He didn’t even know how he managed to lie so much, “I should leave.” He scrambled out of the bed before it all came crashing onto him. He put on his jeans and t-shirt and practically ran out of the room before Magnus could say something.

Magnus sat still and saw Alec running away.

If Alec was okay with it then why did he run away?

Why Alec running away was hurting Magnus?

Why was he feeling like shit for what he said?

He remembered the whole night. He remembered everything he did to Alec. He remembered every single reaction Alec gave. Then why did he feel like everything was just wrong as if they started the morning on the wrong foot?

Why did the morning feel like a mistake more than the night?

Magnus was confused. Why did he feel so happy kissing his best friend?

Why was he aroused by kissing his childhood friend?

Why did he want Alec to stay?

Why did he freak out seeing Alec there beside him sleeping peacefully? After all, it was he who was cuddling Alec. Why did he then feel guilty?

 

Alec ran… out the Bane’s front door, to the pavement, down the road toward the end of the block and he took the long way to detour to his home. His feet never stopped for a moment, not until he reached his room and bathroom thereafter. He was messed in his own head. For years the one secret he never told anyone, not even dared to bring on his lips, had just happened, for real. And he himself had discarded it all by saying it was a mistake. Fucking bullshit it was.

He sat in the cold shower and blamed himself for taking advantage of Magnus, his best friend, who was not even sober to remember anything properly. Alec had taken advantage of that, of Magnus’s alcohol-addled uncomprehended situation.

It was even before he accepted himself as gay, he knew he loved Magnus. He knew his feelings for Magnus was stronger and different than that of two friends. And after he accepted himself, his dreams and fantasies always ended having Magnus’s face. It was his dirty secret that he wanted his best friend sexually, that he wanted that friendship to be more than that. Alec wanted to be the one in Magnus’s arms, heart, and soul. He wanted Magnus all to himself. And he knew he’d never have that, exactly for the same reason Magnus gave him. Alec didn’t want to lose his best friend.

So Alec shut down his heart, let go of his first love and his first experience. He even stole his first kiss from Magnus when the boy had passed out one night after partying too much and Alec had to get him home. He had put Magnus on his bed, tucked him in and kissed softly on his lips before saying good night. Alec was dirtier than anybody could ever imagine. He took pleasure from his best friend. He took advantage of Magnus being drunk. And now that he had tasted his love, it was gonna be harder for Alec to go back pretending that he wasn’t dying inside.

Maybe Magnus was right. Maybe they should stay as friends and let one-night slip past. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe… Maybe Alec shouldn’t be greedy enough and love his best friend more than it requires to. Maybe Magnus wasn’t for him.

 

That happened in the first semester of college. And it did play with their friendship. Alec wasn’t as strong as he thought he’d be. Magnus was still hung over Camille and still chased after her however he could. That did not make Alec happy. And so they fought. For Camille, Alec fought with Magnus for months. And every time Alec stepped down whenever Magnus got angry because he knew Magnus didn’t have any control over his anger. Just to calm him down, Alec always accepted the bullshit Magnus threw at his way. Alec accepted the casual sense of humor and friendly banters and sometimes not so friendly arguments because he still believed what he did to Magnus was wrong. And he didn’t want Magnus to find it out, ever. It was supposed to be the secret that’d go to the grave with him.

A few months after that in one fine morning Magnus was out at the track running his morning laps. He and Alec used to go for a run every morning. Now Alec seldom did that. He started to prefer playing basketball in the college ground in the afternoon after classes or going to the gym. Only Magnus went running. That morning though he saw Alec on the track, running as if his life depended on it. Soon Alec completed the lap and caught up with Magnus. They were running in comfortable silence until Magnus invited Alec to come over Camille’s house for the weekend party. Alec snapped right the moment Magnus finished his sentence.

“And why should I be there?” Alec asked in a sharp voice.

“Why not, it’s a party. Winter is coming. Weather is great. This would last pool party of the season, all day long. All the more reasons you should come and enjoy.” Magnus replied smiling cheerily.

“Yeah, and also when Camille ditches you again you’ll still have a chauffeur left to take you home. No thanks, I don’t wanna be your bodyguard.” Alec scoffed.

“Whoa chill, man. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Magnus shrugged hoping Alec was just simply pissed about something at home. Maybe that’s why he was running so fast earlier.

“I’m not going, Mags,” Alec said sternly and ran faster.

Confused, Magnus ran after him, matching his speed until he caught up with him and stopped him by his elbow, “What the hell, Alec? What is wrong with you? You never talked to me like that before. And now suddenly you’re always bitter with me.” He demanded an answer.

Alec had been avoiding him and all their friends for a couple of weeks. It was as if he was sulking in himself. He wasn’t even coming to college with Izzy like they used to. Nowadays Izzy ride with Simon since they started dating and Alec drove in alone. Alec was also not talking to Jace either lately which annoyed the blond a lot as he missed his wingman to help him to charm Clary.

“Nothing is wrong with me. Stop using your pea brain and read into things too much.” Alec jerked his elbow out of Magnus’s grip.

“No need to be salty always, Alec. I just wanted you to come to the party, you know, inviting you as a friend. You need to chill sometimes too. It has nothing to do with Camille or my relationship with her.” Magnus muttered, annoyed.

“Oh really,” Alec suddenly turned on his toe and stopped running, causing Magnus to almost bump into him, “Really it’s not about Camille? Or you got someone new huh? A boy? Or a girl this time? Or do you wanna use me? Oh, right… that must be it; you want me to go so you can pretend I went with you… great plan… trying to make Camille jealous…” Alec clapped mockingly.

Magnus was stunned. In all the years, he’s never seen Alec like that, “What the hell is wrong with you? Did you take your morning coffee? Or your soul just turned as black as your coffee huh? Or did Izzy put something in it maybe? Are you okay? You don’t seem okay…” he kept blabbering and laid a palm on Alec’s cheek and forehead to check the temperature, “Well, you’re not running fever… then what’s wrong?”

Alec scowled at Magnus as if he’s a stranger. Then he swatted Magnus’s hand away harshly, “You wanna be Camille’s pet… or anybody’s for that matter… fine by me. Just don’t expect me to come and rescue you when she’s done playing with you. If you don’t understand what’s good for you and what’s not... if you still don’t understand that she’s using you for… whatever you guys do and all then I’m done taking care of you afterward. I’m done keeping my end of promise when you don’t even give a shit about your promise.” And he ran off.

“First of all, I’m nobody’s pet. Don’t talk nonsense like that. And promise… what promise? What are you talking about? Alec? Stop… Alec… Wait…” Magnus chased and yelled after him. Alec simply just ran faster leaving a confused and shocked Magnus standing on the empty track.

 

At the weekend Magnus was absolute mad when he suddenly found Alec. They all were in Camille’s party. The moment he saw Alec at the bar, he slipped away from Camille and made a beeline to Alec. He then grabbed Alec’s hand dragging him out to the far end of the courtyard where it was less crowded.

“What the fuck?” Alec snatched his hand back the moment Magnus slowed down, “What do you want?”

“What do I want?” Magnus raised eyebrows at Alec, “Let’s see…” he crossed his arms on his chest and tapped his chin with his index finger as if he was thinking.

Alec scowled and growled, “Drop the theatrics with me.”

“I want you to tell me why you are here.” Magnus growled, matching Alec’s pissed mood, “I want you to explain to me why you misbehaved with me that day on the track telling me you wouldn’t come here. Why the hell are you here? Come to check after me who I’m fucking tonight? Or you wanna see how much I’ll drink? Or do you secretly hope to be able to rescue me? Play the hero.”

“Don’t give yourself so much importance, Mags. You are not able to process more than this. Give it some rest. And don’t act so petty because it’s your alleged girlfriend’s party who may or may not be in your arms at the end of the day. I just came for…” Alec started to yell back equally annoyed but he was interrupted by a shove on his chest by Magnus.

“Don’t you dare to talk about my girlfriend like that okay? If you can’t respect her, you don’t have rights to disrespect her either. She’s my girlfriend. I love her. She loves me. We had one night together doesn’t give you the right to trash talk about my girlfriend who I actually love and care about. We decided to stay friends, Alec. But if you act like that and think that I haven’t noticed how your attitude changed toward me since that night then I swear I’ll forget all the bullshit we had. Either you stop talking about my girlfriend like that or I’ll forget you ever meant anything to me.” Magnus jabbed a finger on Alec’s chest, kept his eyes trained on Alec’s and just said it all. He was done with Alec’s nonsense petty jealousy attitude for no reason.

Alec was momentarily stunned. He never thought Magnus would say something like that to him. He never thought Magnus would hurt him in that way… denying every good about that night. He didn’t know how much Magnus was sure of that night truly being a mistake. He never realized how blind Magnus was after Camille that he didn’t see Alec’s love ever. He couldn’t say anything. He had nothing to reply after what Magnus told him. He stared blank-eyed for a few seconds before turning on his heels and walk away.

 

Alec completely shut himself after that night. He avoided everyone except Izzy. That’s only because they lived in the same house. He did everything except talk to anyone about anything important. Izzy tried a few times but Alec’s stubbornness usually won. Jace was actually kicked out and banished from his room after he had unfortunately started talking about seeing Camille kissing someone some other day who most definitely wasn’t Magnus. Jace had an old rubber duck hurled at him and promised to not come back until Alec apologized. Jace hated that duck. And Alec was just tired. Alec couldn’t listen to Jace mindlessly babbling like a clueless jerk anymore. His friends were tensed about him but they all let him be especially after Magnus made a scene at college when Izzy tried to talk to him about Alec. He made it clear that he had no intention to talk to Alec. She started worrying more not knowing what made the two best friends drift apart like that. She just hoped it wasn’t because of Camille only.

 

Around New Year, the inevitable happened, just not the way it usually would happen. That time they both were sober and bickering again at the bar where they met accidentally. Alec dragged Magnus away outside because he didn’t want Izzy to know about anything. Magnus was Izzy’s best friend just as much he was Alec’s. Alec didn’t want his sister to find out anything that happened between them.

“What do you want, Magnus? What do you want from me? Let’s just… just clear it out.” he asked in a resigned uninterested tone.

“I want you to talk to me.” Magnus gazed at Alec.

In months they didn’t meet and he never noticed how much Alec changed. He became leaner and paler. He muscled up in the right places. Probably even hit some more growth spurt as he looked taller than before. Absentmindedly, he stared at Alec’s torso and wondered if all the basketball playing paid off or not, if there were prominent abs under his snug fit shirt or not.

“You told Izzy you don’t wanna talk to me. So there’s nothing to talk about.” Alec was still uninterested, “Just don’t talk in front of Izzy like that. She knows nothing. And she doesn’t need to know anything.”

“What?” That caught Magnus’s attention, “You didn’t tell her about being…”

“No…” Alec made an annoyed face, “No, you dumb idiot, she knows about that. She knows I’m gay. I told her a few months ago. But she doesn’t know about what happened between us… that night.”

Magnus kept silent for a minute, thinking something. Alec waited for a reply as he leaned back on the wall beside the back door of the bar.

“Do you remember that night? What we did…” Magnus asked slowly crossing his hands on his chest not looking at Alec.

Alec looked at Magnus but humored to answer him anyway, “I do. I guess I wasn’t as drunk as I thought. I remember most of it.”

“Did you enjoy?” Alec wasn’t sure why Magnus was asking about that.

“What?” Alec stood up, “Why don’t you just ask clearly whatever you wanna ask?”

Magnus turned to look at him. Alec took a hesitant step toward Magnus. Their eyes met. Alec’s heart was beating fast in his chest. He was suddenly hoping…

Magnus sighed breaking their eye contact that made Alec stop mid-step, “I remember too. I guess I wasn’t that drunk either. I remember a lot.”

Alec stood still. Before the hoping felt good. But suddenly he was dreading. He was dreading Magnus’s next words.

“Was it really a mistake?” Magnus suddenly asked, “I mean, do you really think it was a mistake?”

Magnus looked at Alec with his big, chocolate brown puppy eyes. Alec felt his heart trying to escape his body. Why was he so nervous? What was he supposed to say? Was that a trick question? Was Magnus tricking him, playing him again?

“I don’t know.” He said truthfully, “How do you feel?”

“I don’t know either. It wasn’t bad.” Magnus added the last three words absentmindedly.

Something gave Alec a surge of hope. He suddenly closed the distance between them and stood directly in front of Magnus. He was really tall but Magnus was tall too, just couple of inches shorter than his abnormally tall height. They were standing really close and Magnus peeked to look up at Alec who looked down searching for something in Magnus’s eyes. Then he suddenly swooped down placing his lips on Magnus’s. He kissed Magnus softly and slowly until Magnus pushed at his chest. Alec understood the sign. It told him to move away. So Alec did.

“What was that?” Magnus asked frowning.

“I… I thought… I thought it’d help… to understand… you know…” Alec stuttered. Magnus’s expression told him anyway how wrong he was to kiss Magnus again. This time it definitely was a mistake. Magnus pulled him out of his thoughts as Alec felt Magnus kissing him back. He paused for a moment to understand what was happening. Then he pulled Magnus closer kissing him back with equal passion.

Nobody understood when or how it started. They didn’t have any interest to stop either. It felt good. It felt better than any kisses ever. Alec felt his heart soaring and his stomach fluttering. He wasn’t sure what Magnus felt but he wanted to hold onto that feeling for as long as possible. Magnus suddenly pulled back, pursing his lips. One look at him and Alec’s heart dropped again. Fuck, how many times in one evening he could get his heart broken by the same person?      

Magnus gave him a weird look and as if Alec needed more confirmation, Magnus said, “Nope, you’re right. This was a good idea. It cleared up. There’s no feeling.”

“What?” Alec was dumbfounded, “Were you just trying it out? Did you just kiss me to find out if something happens or not?”

“Well, you did that too…” Magnus shrugged.

“So you took what... revenge?” Alec didn’t even filter what came out of his mouth.

“Don’t make it sound like an offense.” Magnus scoffed.

“There’s no feeling?” Alec air quoted the phrase mimicking Magnus from earlier, “What… why… how couldn’t you feel it? How much Camille has brainwashed you not to feel that?” he was incredulous and not in a mood to stop.

“Alec… Don’t start with that again. Don’t drag Camille into it. She didn’t do anything except loving me. Why are you so blind about her anyway? Why do you hate her so much?” Magnus growled.

“Because you don’t feel it. You don’t see it. You don’t see me. You didn’t feel me kissing you back. You fucking don’t understand that I love you. Because Camille made you think with your balls only, not brain, not heart. God… I was so stupid to think someday you’ll see, someday you’ll see that I love you… That I’ve always loved you, you stupid ignorant idiot.” Alec shouted madly and walked away.

Magnus stood shell shocked and watched Alec walking away.

Then it clicked. And Magnus ran after Alec. He saw Alec walking the opposite way of their house. Magnus ran harder until he reached Alec and made him stop.

“Alec, don’t make it harder than it already is. I have a girlfriend. I’m in love with her. And you… you don’t love me. We are best friends. And we made a mistake. Don’t confuse it as love… Don’t get yourself hurt in this. Don’t make it harder for me. Alec, this is not Love, you shouldn’t feel like this. You’re just confused, okay? What you feel about me is just an attraction and it happened since that night…” Magnus was blabbering. He himself didn’t even know what he was trying to say.

Alec stared at Magnus. For once he didn’t feel anger. Instead, he felt pity, for himself. He breathed and composed himself. But he couldn’t keep the shake out of his voice, “You deny my feelings… That’s okay. I can probably live with that. But please don’t try to tell me I don’t understand my own feelings. Don’t dare to judge my feelings for me or tell me what I should or shouldn’t feel. Don’t try to preach me like I’m some lovesick fool chasing you for some petty attention. You don’t have to feel obliged for me. You never did and I’m sure you never will. This is my feelings Magnus, and I’ve had them for years. I never bothered you with it ever. And I never will. You choose to be with Camille or whoever… I never came in between and I never will. I promise you that. You are still as free as you were half an hour ago. Consider this never happened. Forget that night.”

 

Alec tried to walk past Magnus. His own deathly cold voice scared him. He couldn’t believe he just told Magnus to forget everything. But he was stopped again when Magnus grabbed his wrist again. They both turned to face each other.

“What is your problem to be friends? We were always friends… can’t we go back there? Can’t we go back when we were just best friends?” Magnus looked intently at Alec.

“I understand you, Magnus. But can you understand me?” Alec said softly. He paused and rubbed his forehead, “I wish we could go back there. But right now I can’t give you that. If you still want us to be friends… give me some time… wait for me. Maybe someday… I’ll be able to meet you just as friends. But not now. I never meant for this to happen. So I need time. Can you give me some time?”

They stared at each other for a few moments until Magnus just nodded. Alec gave a small smile and walked away. Magnus stood there thinking what just happened - when his friendship with Alec changed so much, where they went wrong. He turned back again when he heard Alec calling him from some distance.

“That night I was much better, Magnus, I was feeling better than you. I could’ve stopped you… stopped that from happening. But I guess I gave in. Can you forgive me if I say I took your advantage? Can you forget if I say I wanted that, I wanted you, like that, always? Would you still want to be friends with me? Put yourself in my shoes if you can. And… you’ll always have me, Mags, always.” Alec shouted and walked away with a smile that Magnus always knew Alec to have. 

 

Magnus never knew that that little speech of Alec would make him think so much. As expected he only faced Izzy and never saw Alec. Whenever he managed to get a glimpse of Alec in the café, he’d be surrounded by the gang. It was as if they all took his side and left Magnus alone. Jace and Izzy always shot death glares at him.

He was happy with Camille but he missed his friends. Since Simon started dating Izzy and Jace started dating Clary, everything just changed. He missed their Friday night party. He missed their movie nights and game nights and late night phone calls and going shopping with Izzy and Clary and talking nonsense with Simon and no… he didn’t miss Jace much. But most of all he missed Alec. He missed having Alec all to himself. He missed his best friend with whom he could be anything and everything, talk about nothing and everything.

The coldness from Alec was expected. But the attack from Izzy wasn’t. Magnus should’ve known that Izzy wouldn’t sit quietly if and/or when it’s about her brother. Next incident happened at the end of the first year, right before the summer holidays started. It took Magnus enough time and a whole lot of grunting and pestering and playing detective on Izzy’s part, a few sets of rows and hundreds of unanswered phone calls and un-replied messages with Alec to get to the afternoon when Alec was playing basketball with Jace and his friends. Magnus had gone there to see Alec and try to make amend as Izzy said Alec would definitely be there when he suddenly saw Camille there at the bleachers cheering with the other girls. On closer inspection, he saw her cheering for a boy named Meliorn.

Magnus actually knew Meliorn from his department. He had seen that boy in Camille’s parties a few times but never saw them any closer. Camille once told him she didn’t like basketball because it’s too boring. She told him she’d rather see boys jumping around for her instead of a ball. That’s why she never went to cheer for Magnus when he used to play. And now Camille was cheering for Meliorn. Before Magnus could console himself otherwise, they broke the game and went to the bleachers to the girls. He saw Camille giving Meliorn a water bottle and a towel… and then standing really close and laughing and Meliorn snaked an arm around Camille and they kissed. Magnus almost had a heart attack.

The deep kiss obviously caught everyone’s attention. The group of boys cat-called and wolf whistled at them. The girls gave a mixture of sneer and Oooh and Aaahh. True, a lot of people tried to warn Magnus about Camille. But he always turned a blind eye at her. He never listened to anyone. Seeing her actually doing it, Magnus couldn’t decide what to do. He went inside and thought to talk to Camille. He was still hoping he saw something wrong. Maybe there was a better explanation than what he saw.

“Camille?” he called approaching from behind her and Meliorn. He didn’t even notice Alec was in that crowd too with Jace, Izzy, and Clary. “What are you doing here?”

She was surprised seeing Magnus. Alec shoved through the crowd to get in front. Knowing Magnus’s temper, Alec was worried Magnus would do something regrettable. “Magnus? What are you doing here?” she tried to look innocent.

“I thought you don’t like basketball. But you’re… cheering…” Magnus frowned.

“No… Yes… I mean…” Camille stuttered but recovered quickly, “I thought you stopped playing. You told me you stopped playing.”

Magnus didn’t want to but his brain understood quite well that Camille was trying to shift the blame on him, “I did, just like you asked me, babe. But I don’t understand why you’re here cheering for one of my classmates.”

Magnus could be lethal when he wanted to. Alec stepped down when he heard that chillness in Magnus’s voice. Camille had multiple emotions running through her expressions, none too comfortable, “Umm… classmate?”

“Yeah…” Magnus gave a devilish smile and stood beside Meliorn throwing an arm over that boy’s shoulder, “Mel here is my classmate. We are in the same department. He was my thesis partner last sem, right, Mel?” he cocked his head.

Meliorn for some reason looked really pleased with himself, Camille in one arm and Magnus in other. He looked like he’s got his life picture sorted. He nodded to Magnus’s question.

“You two know each other?” bewildered Camille asked both Magnus and Meliorn. Whereas Magnus just simply nodded, Meliorn said something that made Camille as red as her cute short dress.

“Of course we do. Magnus is my ex-boyfriend. We dated for a while during the last sem. But how do you two know each other?” Meliorn looked confused at both.

Magnus for once didn’t know if to laugh or to cry. Meliorn was not his ex, let alone a boyfriend. They had shared a few steamy make-outs here and there and went on study dates just so Mel wouldn’t whine all the time. It involved food and coffee mostly, but never more. Magnus wondered what made Mel say something like that. Then he noticed a movement behind Camille and things started clear out for him. Once it did, he really laughed.

“Camille… I guess your show is over. You can keep Mel for all I care. I’m done with you.” Magnus started to walk past them but suddenly turned back, stopping Camille trying to go after him, “And don’t… dare to come after me. I’m done, means I’m done. Congrats, Mel. Good luck, mate.” He said and sauntered out of the court. He was just entering the boy’s locker room when he heard the call he was waiting for.

“Magnus, wait…” the voice called stopping Magnus, “Hey…”

“Hello, Isabelle,” Magnus smirked at the Lady Lightwood.

“You did great. I didn’t think you’ll understand it in time. I thought…”

“You thought I’m dumb enough to require you to come to the stage and steal my show? You think so low of me, Isabelle?” Magnus mocked feigning hurt.

“Nope… Never… Shouldn’t have doubted a cunning mind like yours.” Izzy laughed loudly throwing her head back, “Only wish you would’ve seen it sooner.”

“How did you do it?” Magnus was curious though.

“I didn’t actually. Mel did it all. He was gushing over her already. And last week he saw me talking to her. I was actually in the middle of threatening her to stay away from you or I’d expose her, but that’s not the point. Mel thought I am friends with her so he asked me to help him to get her. I just asked him to get her here, to cheer for a match. I didn’t know you’d be here but when you kept nagging about Alec, I thought I’d ask him to join Jace for a game so that you two could meet here on the neutral ground. Alec decided to come today which I really didn’t know. You found out from Clary I guess. I didn’t know you’d be here. I just wanted to see if she comes and does what. But well, everything happens for a reason I see…” Izzy spoke in a modest tone but Magnus knew very well she was doing victory lap inside her head.

“Well played, girl…” Magnus hugged her. She hugged back.

They were back on being friends just like that. He was glad that it was Izzy to open his eyes. He was glad that his eyes were finally open. But what Magnus didn’t tell anyone was that he was actually relieved. He finally looked around at everyone congratulating him for getting out of Camille’s trap. He told them how much he missed them and offered to throw a party. Everyone came to talk to him except Alec. He saw Alec still standing out and away from them all and talking to a boy, as tall as him, almost, and blond. They were standing close and the blond had a hand on Alec’s wrist, holding it softly. Alec talked to the blond with shy looks and big smiles. The blond actually made Alec laugh. And that made Magnus feel… something he never had felt before… so he didn’t understand exactly what he felt but he surely felt uncomfortable.

 

When they reached the bar, Alec came with them too. Thankfully, the blond went missing after they left the basketball court. Alec was with them but he wasn’t talking much to anyone and was busy in his phone typing, chuckling and smiling to himself out of nowhere, definitely chatting with someone.

The group was very well known at the bar as Simon sang on the open-mic night there often and Magnus was particularly a regular there. They used to go there partying on every Friday night before Magnus’s relationship broke their group at a certain level. Without Magnus, none of them wanted to party.

Alec seemed to be in a good mood. Magnus didn’t understand if it was for him or not. He didn’t understand why he wanted Alec to be happy for him. He didn’t understand why he was happy for himself. Was Alec right? Did he really never love Camille? Was it really just all the make outs and excitements and all and not love? Was he really got blind by the idea of love that he didn’t see what Camille was doing behind his back? Damn, he was angry with himself for not seeing it sooner. And he was angry for trying to preach Alec, for fighting with Alec countless times to defend Camille. He then understood how much he had hurt Alec.

But the point was he was hurting. He was drinking and dancing with others. He wanted to forget everything that night and enjoy his freedom. But it was all gone the moment his eyes drifted to the booth they were sitting where they had left Alec alone with his soft drinks. He saw Alec alright, but the tall blond was there again, sitting right beside Alec without leaving a normal personal space between them. Their knees were touching and they seemed like busy in each other. Magnus felt his whole body set on fire. He needed a moment to subside his anger to realize that he was actually angry seeing Alec being so close to someone else. He didn’t understand his own irrational feelings.

It didn’t make sense of why he felt that mad at Alec. He should’ve been sad for Camille. But he didn’t spare her a moment of thought since the afternoon incident and he was getting worked up seeing Alec with someone else. He should be happy for Alec, not angry seeing Alec happy. His best friend deserved to be happy.

Izzy found Magnus dancing. They danced together for a couple of songs until they both were too tired to even stand straight; they decided to retire to the booth. Izzy chuckled seeing Jace and Clary resting together on one side of the booth and on the other the blond was still there with Alec. Magnus just did not understand why his inside flamed up every time he saw that damn blond with Alec.

Simon had joined them sometime when they were dancing. Magnus ordered a pitcher of margarita for all and slumped into the couch trying to relax. Alec and the blond were sitting in almost the same way as Jace and Clary. Magnus couldn’t think which way it’s worse, Alec and the blond looking like Jace and Clary in love or Jace and Clary look like Alec and the blond way too much friendly than required. Much to his dismay, he got to sit beside Alec who sat turning toward the blond meaning his back was to Magnus and he didn’t give single attention to Magnus, at all.

 

“Hey, Sebastian… are you gonna talk to my brother only or you’ll at least say hi to us?” Izzy finally called that made both the boys look at her. Sebastian gave a slight chuckle that followed the same one from Alec.

“Of course, my dear Isabelle, hi… you look mighty fine tonight I must say.” Sebastian turned to sit properly facing the table. Alec, on his left, turned to face the table too. Magnus tried to catch his gaze but Alec only gave him a tight smile and looked down at his glass. Sebastian, the blond rested an arm on the backrest of the couch almost going over Alec’s shoulders and crossed a leg to look comfortable. For a moment, he thought Sebastian looked like a model. At least he had the physique to be. And bitterly he noticed the blond was handsome too. Only maybe too blond for Alec’s taste. But still, Alec wasn’t supposed to be someone to dig blonds for fuck’s sake. Magnus was exasperated when Alec didn’t protest but scooted closer to Sebastian who laid the arm that was already around Alec, properly on his shoulder.

“Always so smooth…” Izzy’s sing-song voice got Magnus back to earth from his personal hell-ish daydream where Sebastian and Alec snogging in middle of the club. Magnus hoped he was only reading too much into their actions.

“I have to be, you know. Your brother here is a bit of high maintenance.” Sebastian matched Izzy’s voice. Izzy raised a brow at him smirking and Alec fell into a fit of laughter.

Magnus had almost a heart attack. He hadn’t seen Alec laughing like that in a long time. Actually not since their friendship fell apart. Alec used to only laugh with him like that.

“I see everybody knows him except me.” He said softly but sternly pointing his chin toward Sebastian who gave him a smiling I-also-don’t-know-you look. Alec and Izzy gave him a matching expression of frowning. Jace perked up like he found something interesting. Clary sighed.

“Umm… sorry… I should’ve introduced you two before.” Alec said apologetically. He looked at Izzy who stared back at him. Magnus immediately knew the siblings were having those staring competition/conversation. Alec and Izzy are famous for that. They could have a long fulfilling meaningful conversation and sometimes even fight just by staring at each other. Alec seemed annoyed and looked away. He swiftly placed a hand on Sebastian’s knee that made the blond look at the hand fondly. Magnus felt like he’d gag at any moment. “Magnus… this is umm… Sebastian…” he managed to say only before Sebastian stretched his hand toward Magnus who took it and shook firmly.

“Sebastian Morgenstern, a pleasure to meet you.” He gave a sweet smile.

“Magnus Bane. Will take time to say the same.” He gave a cheeky grin and received an amusing smile in return accompanied with a glowering look from right beside. Alec didn’t look happy at him.

“You friends do share the same kind of humor I see. I thought Izzy and Jace picked it from Alec but you’re not far either.” Sebastian cocked his head.

“I think you’ve slightly mistaken. Alec must’ve picked it up from me. After all, it used to be our thing.” Magnus gave a sly smile. Alec scowled.

“So you’re the infamous best friend he told me about.” Sebastian gave Alec a look.

“Again, can’t say the same. Alec never mentioned you.” Magnus didn’t even know what he was saying. Sebastian gave a questioning look at Alec. Magnus tensed. Was there something going on that he didn’t understand? Did he miss something while he was being blissfully ignorant to his friends for Camille?

“Erm… eh… Magnus… I never mentioned because I never felt to inform you. Seb was here when you…” Alec squirmed and stuttered. Magnus seemed to catch on.

“You never felt to inform me?” Magnus quoted Alec coldly.

“You never asked. I never thought to tell you.” Alec’s voice rose.

“I never asked? So you just skipped the whole part where there’s a new man in your life? You didn’t feel to share it with your best friend but everybody else knows? What the fuck, Alec?” Magnus was a bit shocked.

“Don’t look so shocked. I’m human too. I’m allowed to have friends too. I’m allowed to make new friends and have other people in my life. I don’t need your permission for that.” Alec felt his temper rising.

“Hey… it’s okay… calm down.” Sebastian rested his hand on Alec’s arm. Everybody tensed as Magnus and Alec had been recently always at each other’s throat, always fighting at nothing particular. They couldn’t just keep their hot heads away.

“You’re not the keeper of my life, Magnus. It’s not like you know anything and everything about me. I’m not your property that I have to always inform you whatever happens in my life. We are just friends, on your terms.” Alec suddenly barked and hurriedly left the booth. Magnus felt his jaw drop in shock. Was that Alec trying to get back at him or what?

“I’m so sorry… I’ll go after him.” Sebastian tried to get up but Izzy stopped him.

“It’s okay. I’ll talk to him.” she stood up smoothing her dress, “Another round on me?” she asked hopefully but nobody replied except Jace and Clary caught her eyes. She just nodded and left.

“Why are you here, Sebastian?” Clary suddenly asked cutting through the silence.

“What do you mean?” he asked frowning at her.

“Why are you here? What are you doing here? Why are you back again? I thought mom and I were clear that you shouldn’t come here.” Clary seemed annoyed and angry. Magnus looked at Clary confused.

“It’s a whole town, Clary. Mom and you can’t just banish me from a whole town because you don’t like me. She isn’t a mayor or sheriff here. She isn’t the law. She can’t stop me from coming here. She can’t absolutely stop me from meeting my friend. So I’d rather if you and your mom act maturely a bit so I can focus on Alec instead of leaving him again.” Sebastian spoke smoothly but they all could hear the angry undertone.

“I can always call Luke.” Clary challenged.

“And… Do what?” Sebastian sat up finally, staring straight at Clary with his cold grey eyes, “Make him arrest me? On what ground would he do that? He may be a man of law but that doesn’t mean he is the law. Luke can’t do anything.”

“Alec was better off without you. You’re going to mess with him again.” Clary took another track.

“Isn’t Alec supposed to judge that? If he allows me to have another chance why would you have a problem? And for all I know, he was happy with me. He’s become miserable since I left.” Sebastian cocked an eyebrow.

“Did you already ask him? You already talked to him didn’t you, while we were dancing? I knew I shouldn’t have left him alone with you.” Clary sat up too, suddenly worried. Jace mimicked her actions unconsciously, “Please tell me he didn’t say yes… oh God… I knew you’re bad news.”

“Give some respect, Clarissa. After all, I am your brother. We may not like each other but I still respect you as my sister. And give Alec some credit. I know you all are his friend and protective of him. But he is a grown-up man, probably more matured than any of you. He can decide for himself. And if we do get back together, I don’t think you have a say in it.” Sebastian still didn’t lose breath.

Magnus watched them wide-eyed. He had enough alcohol in his system to already feel buzzed. Just one little conversation and he felt like he was thrown in a pool and no idea how to swim. Unfortunately, his brain still worked due to curiosity and also worries for Alec. There were many questions bothering him, “You two are siblings?” he asked unceremoniously taking both Sebastian and Clary surprised.

“Yes,” came from Sebastian.

“No,” came from Clary.

Magnus looked at them confused.

“Why deny, dear sister? Is that what mother taught you? Lie about your biological family?” Magnus did not just understand how that boy could keep calm for so long and not raise his voice or even a slight waver.

“Biological family?” Magnus asked incredulously.

“We share the same parents. Mom was married to his dad. He is mom’s son. His dad is actually my father too. After I was born, they divorced. His dad took him and mom took me. He and I never grew up to be siblings. We don’t share that attachment. We are related by blood only, sadly.” Clary said monotonously.

“Stunning storyteller. Proud of you.” Sebastian smirked that only made Clary snarl more.

“And Alec… how does he fit into this scene? Does he know… about all these?” Magnus sidetracked to his original concern. He needed to know how Alec and this blond were associated.

“Of course he knows everything. Alec is my ex-boyfriend.” Sebastian said coolly.

“What?” Magnus was dumbstruck, “When? How? What did you do? Why did you break up?”

“I met Alec last year before the beginning of summer. I was here in the town hospital for completing my internship. He was still graduating then. I pursued him to go out on a date with me and get to know each other. It worked well until I found out Clary being friends with him. Typically, she informed her mother about me. And she called my dad who called me back home. Screw their divorce truce. For your information, Magnus, I didn’t hurt Alec. I barely managed to inform him before I had to leave suddenly at the end of summer. It cost me not only my internship but also my relationship with Alec. He still wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship let alone a long distance one, especially when we never got a better chance here. So we called it off but stayed as friends. But this time I’m not leaving, not for anyone. I’ll only leave if Alec asks me to.” Sebastian said with a neutral expression but the stoic voice that infuriated both Magnus and Clary.

Magnus had no idea how to deal with all the information. According to Sebastian, they were together for almost the whole summer, the same time Magnus was in his exclusive relation with Camille. Was that why Alec suddenly was with Sebastian? Because Alec never had a boyfriend or any sort of relationships before. Then why all of a sudden he started one with Sebastian? And why broke up too?

But above all, what bothered him the most was, what’d Alec do? Would Alec accept Sebastian again? Then his thoughts drifted off to the night Alec told him about his feelings. Alec told him that he loved Magnus for a long time. How long was that ‘long time’? If Alec really was in love with him for a long time, then why Sebastian? And now that Magnus had screwed it up royally with Alec, would Alec give him a chance or would Alec choose Sebastian?

Why did it even matter who Alec chooses? Why was he comparing himself with Sebastian? He always wanted to be Alec’s friend right? Then why he was suddenly competing for Alec? Why he couldn’t accept Alec with Sebastian? Why did it feel so wrong?

Magnus couldn’t think anymore. None of it made any sense to him. Questions like when they started, why they started and why they actually broke up started to give him a headache. For once he was desperate to find answers.

 

“I’m gonna kill him, you know.”

Alec muttered the moment Izzy took the empty seat beside him at the bar.

“Who? Magnus?” Izzy scoffed, “Why do I think you wanna do more than that?”

“Probably I do,” Alec grumbled.

“Then you’ll need more than one round.” Izzy slid a glass of shot toward him.

“Why my life has to be so complicated?” He whined.

“Sebastian’s doing a great job.” She smirked.

“He’s… yeah… he’s doing great.” He finally cracked a smile.

“Do you love him? Like for real.” She sounded concerned.

“No," He avoided his concerned sister's brown penetrating gaze and stared into the shot glass, "At some point, I did think he is the one but then I was just being desperate and naïve.” He confessed honestly. “I was never done with…”

“So when you kissed him at prom, it was just…?” She asked trying to confirm.

“A trial, yes. And out of anger. And it worked. Meeting Seb there was one of the good things happened so far in my life I think. He is a good guy. But not for me.” He smiled.

“Magnus looks pissed.” She downed a shot.

“Should I care?” He skimmed his index finger on the rim of his glass.

“Why not? For once he’s jealous and pissed. That’s more than anything you’ve ever got from him.” She scoffed.

That caught his attention. “What? What are you talking about?” 

“Oh please… I’m glad we’re talking about this when you’re still sober.” She smiled.

“We are not talking about anything.” He grumbled again.

“Yeah… As if you can talk about Magnus without being drunk.” She smirked.

“What the actual fuck, Iz?” He growled.

“You really thought I didn’t know? You really thought I didn’t see how you look at him? When will you understand that I may be younger but I’m still your sister? I do understand you just like you understand me. I just wish you were sober on prom night.” She lamented.

“The night I spilled my guts to you after kissing Seb like blasting horny teenager?” He looked away, not meeting her eyes.

“Yeah…” She replied.

“Why didn’t you say something?” He asked.

“I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me yourself. But thank God Sebastian didn’t talk about being your ex. I don’t even wanna imagine what Magnus would do.”

“You’re right about me getting drunk.” He lamented.

“What? Why… wait… you told him too?” She looked affronted.

“Yup... Seb didn’t lie when he said he’s heard a lot about Mags. He knows how I feel about Magnus.” He confessed.

“So he’s playing too? Or he still wants to reconcile with you?” She was confirming.

“When you all were dancing, Seb and I talked. He asked for another chance. He really had hoped there could be something between us. It is wrong how I’ve just string him along.”

“If he knows how you feel and still is doing this… then…”

“I think Seb will get over it soon.”

“You said no?”

“I told him I love Magnus. And I will wait for Magnus.”

“He’s okay with that?”

“He’s a really good man, Iz. He’s a really great friend.”

“You two decided to be friends only?” She asked and Alec nodded in reply, “Good for you then.” She finished.

“Clary isn’t happy since Seb came back.” He lamented.

“She’ll be fine. She’s angry now but she has no say in your case. Don’t worry about her. If it’s for your happiness, she’ll get over her feud too.”

“Seb will leave by this weekend. I can’t believe he’s still doing this for me.”

“Doing what?” She was confused until she realized what he meant, “Wait, it was your plan? Are you serious right now?”

“I wanted to see if he reacts or not. I got more than a bargained for. But still, no idea what’s on his mind.” He shrugged.

“Did you tell him?” She asked cheerfully but dreading the reply. She knew nothing positive might have happened after Alec told Magnus about his feelings. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be so broken like that.

“I did. He said we are better as friends. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think Seb might be better for me. I mean Mags… he isn’t… he isn’t serious, you know… not about anything… I don’t even know what he feels about me or if he feels something.” He sounded resigned.

“But you still wanna wait for him, right?” She paused seeing Alec deep in thoughts, “And seeing how he acted all evening, I still think there’s hope for him. Maybe your plan will work.” She tried to cheer him up.

“I feel like I'm deceiving him, Iz. I can’t even remember why I asked Seb to help me. I’m deceiving both of them.” He shook his head.

“Don’t worry, big bro. If I know Magnus any better, I’d say don’t give up on him. He is slow in the matter of feelings. That’s why he thought he was in love with Camille. But once he’s into it, he’s in it for real, I know.” She smiled at Alec who smiled back, “Come on… Let’s go before they make a bigger mess that I won’t be able to clean. Take the tray with you, we need more shots.” She said and danced her way to the booth with Alec behind her.

 

The atmosphere was gloomy when they took their seats at the booth again.

Izzy and Simon fell into comical whisper which meant Simon was supplying the latest news to her.

Clary and Jace sat gloomily, for once their hands to themselves. They just sat side by side.

Magnus looked stupefied and drunk. He grabbed a couple of shots from the tray and downed one after the other.

Alec scowled at Magnus for once and then turned to Sebastian who shrugged and refused to say anything. So they all sat in weird silence.

After a while, Alec felt Sebastian whispering in his ear. He looked around the table to see nobody paid attention to them. Magnus was cradling the last glass of shot. He finished all that nobody took.

“Magnus knows I’m your ex and still trying to pursue you.” Alec turned his head suddenly to talk but was stopped, “No, listen, don’t react anything. It came out while talking to Clary. She isn’t happy but of course, nobody knows about our little arrangement.” Sebastian smirked, “I guess the plan worked. Magnus was most definitely flustered. But right now I have to go. I have work tomorrow. So I’ll see you tomorrow after college? We can play another round maybe?”

Sebastian took his mouth away from Alec’s neck to see Magnus was staring at them. He looked around and the whole group was staring. Alec recovered and played a little sad, “Okay, but promise me you’ll come tomorrow.”

They both stood up and Sebastian gave Alec a soft hug. From behind, Sebastian could see Magnus was staring at them wide-eyed, if not with thinly veiled anger. He hugged Alec a little closer and longer before parting away and stroking Alec’s jaw with his index finger, “Good night. Go home safe and text me when you reach. I promise I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sebastian said softly and gave a light peck on Alec’s cheek. Then he said a hasty goodbye to the group and went away.

Alec sat down with a sad face but touching his cheek where Sebastian kissed and drank from the new round Clary ordered for herself. They were the only people drinking. The others just watched how Alec and Clary downed one shot after other and after a few, they were in sync and clank their glasses in toast every time before they downed them.

“My brother is a jerk you know, Alec?” Clary slurred drunkenly. Alec nodded, “He infuriates me and makes you sad. Don’t let him hurt you, okay? If he does, you tell me and I swear I’ll kick his ass.” Clary slurred again and Alec nodded again giving her a thumbs up.

Within a couple of minutes, the tray was empty again. Alec and Clary both were buzzed from the amount of alcohol they consumed in rapid succession. They scrunched their faces, shook their head and laughed for no reason. It was Alec who ordered the next round. Only that time Jace helped them to finish the tray even though Clary protested. She didn’t want to share drinks with more people. Izzy and Simon exchanged a look of trouble, mentally preparing who’ll take who to home.

Alec was definitely drunk by the time they finished the third tray and laid back on the couch laughing uncontrollably. He didn’t even know why he was drinking that much. He never drank that much. He had stopped laughing because suddenly it changed to hiccupping. Someone pressed a cold glass at his lip and Alec thankfully drank it thinking it was another shot, only it tasted different. Then he heard vague voices around him.

“You want me to take Jace or Clary?” Simon asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I can manage either Jace or Alec on my own. They both are giants.” Izzy replied after a groan at her brothers.

“I’ll take Alec. Simon can manage Jace hopefully. You take Clary. How about that?” Magnus offered.

“Thanks, Mags. You sure you will be able to take Alec?” Izzy was still not sure about the arrangement.

“Or better, you and Simon take Jace and Clary together. I know Robert and Maryse aren’t in town. You two would like to have some time together.” Magnus offered again.

“We can put them in Jace’s room and then…” Simon countered unhelpfully.

“Shut up, Si. I like you dirty talking but seriously… not now.” Izzy blushed furiously.

“It’s no biggie, Izzy. I’ll take Alec to my place. I’ll take care of him.” Magnus promised solemnly.

“Thanks, Mags. Si, take Jace. Come here, Clary; let’s take you drunk idiots home. Why do I always have to act like the responsible one?” she grumbled which followed Simon and Magnus’s soft chuckle. They went to their cars.

Magnus opened his door with difficulty as Alec was leaning on his with his full weight. They went to his room and Alec flopped down on the bed. Magnus laid beside him panting from getting Alec up to the stairs.

“Get up. Take off your shirt. You stink, you idiot.” Magnus stood up again when he gained some breath and tried to get Alec up.

“No… you come here,” Alec said in a baby voice.

“Don’t be a baby. Seriously, Alec, don’t be difficult now. Be a good boy and get up.” Magnus admonished tugging at Alec’s wrists.

“Will you kiss me if I get up?” Alec asked all of a sudden that froze Magnus. When Alec got no reply, he rambled, “Just one kiss, Mags, that’s all I want. Just one kiss and I promise I’ll be a good boy. Just one kiss and I’ll never ask for more again. Please, Mags, just one kiss…” he drawled on and Magnus suddenly pressed his palm on Alec’s mouth shutting him up effectively.

Alec fluttered his eyes at Magnus and smiled that Magnus could feel under his palm. He stared at Magnus with a cute dopey smile when Magnus removed his hand. He sat up and pulled Magnus closer by his shirt still smiling. Magnus gazed at Alec. He couldn’t believe how beautiful Alec was and how he never noticed it. How Alec always was there for him. How Alec always helped him. Magnus softly carded his fingers through Alec’s soft hair. Alec’s smile grew bigger.

 

“You’re cute, Alec. Please don’t make it harder for me. You are my best friend.” Magnus’s eyes softened. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Alec’s forehead.

“I love you, Magnus.” Alec murmured with a smile.

“I love you too, Alec.” Magnus smiled back.

“Then kiss me properly.” Alec pouted and demanded.

“Alec, please… you’re drunk.”

“All the better reasons.”

“Are you drunk enough to not remember it tomorrow?” Magnus asked smirking lightly. Alec’s expression changed into confusion as if he was trying to comprehend the question. When Alec didn’t say anything Magnus leaned down holding Alec’s chin. Then he placed a soft kiss on Alec’s lips.

“There you go. Now sleep. Good night.” Magnus smiled letting Alec go but Alec didn’t. Rather he stood up and wrapped his arms around Magnus who yelped. “Alec… what are you doing?”

“Claiming what’s mine.” Alec breathed each word softly at Magnus’s neck and started kissing. Magnus held Alec by the shoulder but he couldn’t bring himself to push Alec away. Instead, he melted in Alec’s soft kisses. Subconsciously he threw his head back and Alec tightened his grip, kissing more passionately.

“Alec… Please… Stop…” Magnus begged.

“You really want me to stop? Really, Mags?” Alec breathed at his neck again and carried on kissing. For some reason, they were swaying gently as if they were slow dancing.

Magnus was confused. His brain told him to push Alec away. But his mind contradicted. His body kept betraying him. It was frustrating how loved and cherished he felt with Alec. “Alec, you don’t wanna do this now. You’re drunk. I don’t wanna take your advantage. You’ll hate me tomorrow.”

“As if I can…” Alec smiled and placed a soft kiss on Magnus’s jaw, “I can never hate you, Mags. I love you. I’ll always love you.”

“This is wrong…” Magnus was on the verge of losing it. Alec made him lose his mind.

“I’m always wrong, I know. Let me do another wrong. I won’t mind.” Alec, the boy who never talked about someone sensually, was actually seducing him but even as drunk he didn’t cross the limit of more than just kissing.

Magnus pulled back to look into Alec’s eyes. “I know you want to…” Alec said with a ghost of smile and Magnus couldn’t hold back anymore. He crashed his lips on Alec’s that welcomed him with all the fervor.

 

Magnus didn’t even realize when the lust and hunger took over them completely and he threw Alec on the bed. Alec propped up on his elbows and gazed at Magnus who pulled off his shirt and straddled Alec who pulled him down by one hand on the neck and the other resting on his back. Alec pulled him closer and kissed like there’s no tomorrow. Magnus lost himself.

But Alec was drunk more than they both thought. The make-out lasted longer. The kisses got sloppy. The hands ran everywhere. The passion burned brighter inside them. Their bodies rubbed against each other like they never wanna stop. Alec reached down to take Magnus in his hands and started palming him over the jeans. Magnus fell back in pleasure. Alec took charge and got on top. But he was tired. Magnus kept kissing Alec and Alec slowly lost conscious. He passed out on top of Magnus before any of them could reach anywhere let alone finish.

Tears threatened Magnus. The passion got replaced with guilt as he pulled Alec closer in his arms and cuddled off to a troubled sleep. He couldn’t forget how Alec held onto him during sleep. Alec looked happy, sated, comfortable in his arms, safe. Magnus couldn’t stop falling in love with Alec. 

Magnus didn’t sleep all night. He held Alec in his arms all night. Magnus was still awake when Alec cracked his eyes open slowly.

“Hey, angel…” Magnus greeted softly. His heart was beating faster. He hit an epiphany overnight. He didn’t even know if that was the right thing to do or not. But he wanted to talk to Alec. He wanted to give them a chance. He wanted to see if there could be any chance for them. He wanted to be the one to make Alec happy. He wanted to see Alec happy in his arms.

“Magnus? What the hell? Where am I?” Alec groaned and shuffled away the moment he realized Magnus was holding him.

“My room,” Magnus stared at him confused.

“Why am I here? Ugh… why everything hurts?” Alec groaned loudly.

“Umm… you drank too much last night. So I brought you here.” Magnus was hurting. It was evident Alec didn’t remember last night. Why did it hurt so much?

Alec only groaned more and flopped down holding his head, “Why the fuck did I drink so much? Why did he let me drink so much?”

“He?” Magnus squeaked, even though he didn’t want to know the answer.

“Seb… I remember he was with us last night. Then he left and then… I don’t remember anything…” Magnus already knew this answer. Alec only confirmed it.

“Umm… Sebastian left before you got drunk.” Magnus replied and got out of bed, “Come on now and get up. Take a shower. I’ll make some breakfast. Then we can go to college if you still feel better.” He walked toward the door.

“Magnus…” Alec’s voice stopped him. He turned to see Alec sitting properly, “Were we cuddling?”

Magnus froze. He didn’t know what to say. Alec paled, “We didn’t… Magnus, why were we cuddling? We didn’t make the same mistake, right? We didn’t do something like last time right? Magnus answer me…” Alec almost shouted in panic.

“No… No, we didn’t.” Magnus gulped. He saw the panic in Alec’s eyes, “You just slept and cuddled me. Nothing happened.”

“Oh, thank God.” Alec breathed out, relieved, “I’m sorry I cuddled you.”

“It’s okay, Alec. Fresh up and come down. I’ll make breakfast.” Magnus replied hurriedly and left. He barely managed to not cry. He didn't even understand why he wanted to cry.

 

Magnus was standing in front of the cooktop and didn’t smell the burning toast as he was lost in his thoughts.

What happened the night before was what bothered him the most. Why did he give in? Why couldn’t he resist Alec? Why did he like kissing his best friend so much? Why did he feel like what he felt seeing Alec with Sebastian? And above all why did it feel like Alec ripped his heart from his chest and stomped on it harshly when Alec panicked about the night before? Why was it hurting so much?

Magnus jumped when he heard a loud sound from upstairs. Then he finally smelt the burning toast. He cursed and turned off the toaster before throwing the burnt pieces of bread in the trashcan and ran upstairs. It wasn’t something he was hoping to see. Alec was lying near the bathroom door unconscious. Magnus panicked and slid beside Alec kneeling.

“Alec… Alec… Oh God… Alec… Wake up… Alec…” Magnus took Alec’s head in his lap and patted on his cheeks lightly to wake him up. Alec didn’t seem to wake up. “Alec…” his voice wavered. There was a small cut under his hairline that was bleeding slowly. Magnus pulled off his shirt and pressed on the cut. His bathroom was small enough so he could bend his body and reach into the cabinet under the faucet. He pulled out a white plastic box with first aid kit.

He put some antiseptic lotion on a cotton swab and cleaned the wound. He put a sticking plaster on it. Alec hadn’t woken up by then. Magnus cradled Alec not understanding what to do. He patted on his cheeks again and called repeatedly. Worried, tears filled his eyes. Wild empty thoughts were going through his head and he couldn’t concentrate. For a moment he thought to call emergency and but he remembered he left his phone at the kitchen. He cursed that it wasn’t his day. He tried to get up and get Alec to the bed. That’s when he remembered water might work.

He laid Alec down, turned on the faucet and filled a glass with some water before kneeling back beside Alec again. He splashed some water on Alec’s face and smoothed his wet hand on his forehead and cheeks. He noticed Alec’s eye’s moving. Alec groaned a little in his throat. Something happened that moment because he suddenly leaned down and he didn’t know why. That groan resonated something in Magnus and he placed his lips softly on Alec’s.

Taken surprised by the sudden kiss Alec’s eyes snapped open. And the first thing he saw was Magnus kissing him. He jumped up shoving Magnus away. His headache hit him so bad that he felt dizzy by the sudden movement.

“What the...?” Alec almost yelled, holding his head and groaning.

“I… I…” Magnus stuttered. He again cursed himself, ‘Great timing Magnus! Why the fuck were you kissing your best friend again?’

“Why were you kissing me, Magnus?” Alec calmed down a bit and talked slowly, “What is wrong with you? You tell me you want to be just friends and you go on kissing me every chance you get? Why are you doing this to me?”

Magnus was a bit stunned. Alec was right. Since they’ve agreed to this predicament that they’d stay friends and friends only, Magnus had been out of control since. His thoughts were all over the place. He couldn’t stop thinking about Alec. He couldn’t stop having these weird feelings every time Alec was with him. Something was terribly wrong with him and he had no idea exactly what.

“No… no… no… Alec… Listen to me… it’s not like that… I didn’t…” Magnus started to talk but he had no idea what he was trying to explain. Alec was really annoyed.

“You didn’t what? You didn’t want to kiss me? It just happened or this time also it was my fault somehow?” Alec snapped standing up and swaying badly.

“Can you rest a bit?” Magnus yelled, finally losing his restraint. “You just fell in the bathroom and were unconscious for more than 5 minutes. I was worried. You wouldn’t wake up…”

“You were worried? About me? So you tried to kiss me instead?” Alec balked steadying himself leaning on the doorframe.

“No… no… will you just listen to me... please… you got a bleed on your forehead…” Magnus looked at Alec helplessly who just touched his forehead and felt the band aid that Magnus had put before. Alec was frowning.

“Why don’t I remember that? I don’t remember falling or losing sense. I don’t remember anything of last night. And we were cuddling in the morning… what the hell…” Alec seemed lost in his own thoughts.

But Magnus felt responsible to answer. He started slowly, “I told you… nothing happened last night. You drank too much. So I brought you here. Simon and Izzy took Jace and Clary to your house. You just slept after we came here.”

Alec paused for a while frowning and still feeling his cut. Magnus gulped worried. He didn’t know what Alec would do after that. He just waited for some response from Alec and wondered why the morning after every night they spent together always seems wrong between him and Alec.

“Seb…” Alec suddenly jumped and groaned again in pain.

“We should go and see a doctor. I think you’re hurting abnormally. It shouldn’t hurt that much. It was just a little cut.” Magnus tried to take his elbow.

Alec jerked away, “No, no, I’m fine. I just got a headache from drinking I guess. I need to call Seb. He told me to call after I get home and I didn’t… he must be worried.”

Magnus saw Alec rifling through the room to find his phone. He had gone through Alec’s pocket, took his phone and wallet out and put them on the side table after Alec had fallen asleep on him. “There...” he pointed when Alec was looking everywhere but at the right place.

“Thanks…” Alec said absent mindedly going through his phone, “Fuck… 7 missed calls… 13 messages… Fuck… He’s really worried…” he muttered to himself and Magnus lost his calm again.

“Seb… Seb… Seb… you’re only worried about him… what about me?” Magnus wailed angrily. He didn’t even know why he did that, why he was so frustrated.

“What?” Alec was shocked at the sudden outburst, “What do you mean? What about you?”

“You don’t care about me. You’re just worried about your dear Sebastian.”

“He’s my friend, Magnus. Stop acting like you’re jealous or something.”

“He’s your friend? What about me? You don’t care about me.”

“Stop it, Magnus. Seriously, stop it. You know I do care about you. You took care of me all night, thanks for that. But I didn’t let him know when he asked me to. That’s wrong, Magnus. If it was you, I would be feeling the same guilt and I’m sure you’d feel same worried about me if I didn’t let you know all night even after you asked me to.” Alec tried to reason politely.

“So he and I are just the same now? He is your new best friend now? Or you want him as your boyfriend just like you wanted me? You want him, right?” Magnus shut his mouth closed abruptly. What the hell was he saying? Where did he lose his brain-to-mouth filter now?

Alec was silent for a few moments. His voice was grave when he spoke again, “I’d pretend you didn’t say that. You know my feelings, Magnus. And FYI, they haven’t changed. And I’m sure it wouldn’t change. You were my best friend and you always will be. You know how I feel about you. So I’d pretend you didn’t say that to me. And I’ll leave now. Talk to me when you’ve calmed down and straightened your thoughts.” He put the wallet in his pocket and left.

Magnus dropped on his bed. He was about to tear at his hair, scream, and wail and cry. He felt like destroying something. He didn’t understand what possessed him to behave like that. Why was he so angry? Why he felt so mad and out of sorts? What the fuck had he done now?

 

Last few days were maddening for Magnus. He was still in deep nowhere about Alec. He still dreamt about Alec every night which helped him not at all. He still spent every waking moment thinking about Alec and what was happening to himself. He still couldn’t catch Alec at college and talk. And every damn time he thought about Sebastian his blood started to boil in his veins. In other words, he still had no idea what was happening to him. And all the questions were freaking him to extent of madness.

So on the weekend, he decided to hit the club. He was done being alone and moping for Alec. Though that boy, his alleged best friend did not leave his mind at all, he hoped a little bit of alcohol and a lot of dancing would help him to clear his mind. It was a mistake.

For one, the first person he met at the bar was Jace. And definitely rest of the group was occupying their usual booth. Magnus groaned. No, he didn’t need Isabelle Lightwood to grill him that night.

For two, a couple of minutes later he saw Alec entering the club, hand in hand with Sebastian. Humph… he felt the blood boiling again. So he downed his martini and went to the dance floor. Alec Lightwood wasn’t going to destroy his night, nope.  

For third and final, he bumped into Dot in the dance floor. He just stood there staring at Dot. Just his luck.

Well, a very much definite finger to luck and he started dancing. He was drinking less that night. For some reason, since he saw Alec and Sebastian coming in, he didn’t want to drink anymore.

Dot smiled at him but didn’t say anything. After their sudden break up on the prom night, Magnus was definitely angry with her. But she wasn’t. Even after that, she was very casual about that night. She was the one who came to him later to say sorry. He had to forgive her. She was a sweet girl anyway. She was one of them who had tried and failed to warn him about Camille. 

So he and Dot danced together. They had a good dynamic which worked again. He had met Dot in dance club so they were dance partners for some time and knew each other’s moves and preferences well. Dot was doing her special moves and Magnus had to laugh. Dancing always made him feel light. Dancing with Dot was only better as they understood each other really well. Dot was dancing around him and he gave up. He let himself go into the music and started dancing without caring about anything. Maybe again it wasn’t a good idea.

Dot was moving so he moved with her. The moment he turned his eyes went to the booth where Alec and others were sitting. He kept staring while dancing until his eyes met with Alec’s and his steps faltered. He bumped into Dot. But he didn’t care as long as Alec’s eyes were boring onto him. He couldn’t make himself move or look away. It was as if Alec had gotten him under a spell. He finally saw Alec cracking a small smile. That’s when he looked around and gasped.

Alec was wearing a pair of tight, dark blue jeans. It wasn’t a shock.

Alec was wearing a black, chiffon half transparent shirt. That was the shock.

Magnus and he were best friends from before they even knew the meaning of “being friends”. He could swear Alec didn’t own a shirt like that. He would’ve known if that boy even owned a half transparent chiffon shirt ever in his life. But there he was, in denim and that shirt and blowing his mind from ever different angle possible. He looked like an angel borrowed clothes from the wrong wardrobe but still looked like an angel, if not the perfect one.

So, yes, his mind was blown, eyes were popped, jaws were slack, knees were buckling and heart was about to beat out of his chest. Never even in his life, not a single girl in the most attractive dress or a boy in playboy shorts had made him feel as aroused as he felt at the moment. Overnight, Alec Lightwood had grown from cute and sweet to handsome and sexy. He still couldn’t believe his eyes.

He barely managed to control himself when he saw Alec sauntering to the dance floor with Sebastian in his arms. The whole time whey had that stupid eye contact going on.

As he was standing dead on the dance floor, a lot of people bumped into him. Dot tried to get his attention but who was he to look away from the Alec Lightwood getting to dance floor by himself. So instead he shooed Dot away and kept gawking. It wasn’t pretty anymore as Sebastian and Alec started to dance, closely. With a deep scowl, Magnus saw Sebastian putting his arms around Alec’s waist and Alec placed his arms around Sebastian’s neck. They were happily dancing. Soon after, the other two couples joined them too and they were having fun. Only Magnus felt like he broke into a cold sweat. He couldn’t see that anymore. Nope, he needed drinks. He stalked off to the bar.

Magnus didn’t notice how long he was there but he realized he hadn’t drunk a single drop. His glass of martini was still in front of him untouched. But he did notice Sebastian going toward the door. There was something off about his walk. His eyes darted over everywhere to find his tall boy and he finally saw him dashing to the restroom. There was something off about his walk too. He frowned not understanding what just happened.

He went to the booth and saw the 4 friends talking about something. There was a discussion going on that stopped immediately the moment they saw him.

“What do you want?” Izzy asked. She was definitely furious.

“Why are you angry?” Magnus asked frowning. Since Izzy only just rolled her eyes, “What happened to them? Sebastian and Alec… they didn’t seem well. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Izzy almost shouted but Jace held her back, “They broke up, Magnus. They broke up for good. They had a fight because Alec was staring at you all the time they danced. Seb broke up with my brother and now I can’t find him. I can’t find Alec. He’s gone.”

Magnus was too shocked to tell her that he saw Alec going toward the washroom. He was too angry to stop himself from storming away from there and out of the club. He was too furious to think that he should’ve gone after Alec instead of coming out.

 

Izzy was frantically going through her phone trying to call Alec. Jace was trying to text. Clary was fuming about Sebastian and being shocked enough to not be able to kick his ass. She really wanted to do that, for being such an ass. Simon was looking around to see if anyone had seen Alec. They panicked so fast.

Izzy almost flung herself in Alec’s arms the moment the boy came back to the booth. And the next moment she was angry.

“Izzy, it’s okay. I’m fine. Seb didn’t break me or something. It was bound to happen. You knew it, Izzy. Really, you guys don’t need to blame him. It was my decision. I deceived them enough. I can most definitely not think about anyone else than Magnus. I can most definitely not be with Sebastian. If he and I try to be together, we’ll only hurt each other. I’d rather be hurt alone and wait for Magnus. It wasn’t Seb who broke up with me. It was me.” Alec declared as they all were being irrational and blaming Sebastian. He felt guilty as Sebastian was only helping him. He never meant wrong or did wrong to Alec. It was Alec who probably hurt Sebastian.

“Oh God,” Izzy suddenly exclaimed and paled.

“What?” Alec scowled as all of them wore the same type of grim expressions.

“Magnus…” Izzy paled further.

“Where is he by the way? I thought I saw him at the bar. I can’t see him anymore. He left already?” Alec seemed focused on Magnus more than the distress of his sister. Izzy rolled her eyes.

“Magnus… he came to ask about you. He saw you both leaving probably. And I…” Izzy peeked at her brother who pinned her with a glare of ‘what-have-you-done-now?’ “I may have told him that Seb broke up with you before you went missing. I told him about the staring incident.”

Izzy just stared at her brother but Alec blinked a couple of times, trying to absorb the news.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” was all Alec muttered before sauntering out leaving rest of them stunned. He knew Magnus would be fuming about that.

That boy had a legit displacement of an anger issue. When he needed to be angry and shout or yell maybe, he always calmed down that made him look more vicious and scary than the angry him. And he always got angry at the wrong place at the wrong moment for somewhat wrong reasons.

As they all revived from their shock, none of them thought to go after Alec. They knew Alec would just go home, lock himself in his room and stew for the night. And next morning he’d be just fine. Izzy let him do that since Magnus always had the habit of infuriating Alec more and more. That was Alec’s way of coping with things. So none of them thought to go out and look.

 

When Magnus came out of the club, he was fuming, for all the wrong reasons. There’s just one question that wouldn’t leave him was, what kind of jerk Sebastian was to break up with Alec just for staring at someone else? Why couldn’t they just talk and sort it out? Alec said that he was happy with Sebastian. So he didn’t even want to think what Alec must’ve felt after the break-up. He knew the feeling since he broke up twice with Dot and Camille. Even though it wasn’t Love or anything special but it still hurt.

Magnus was walking up and down the pavement and trying to calm down when he saw Sebastian trying to catch a cab. With anger clouding his mind he almost ran to Sebastian. And the next moment he knew, his fist was connecting with Sebastian’s jaw and his rough voice yelled, “This one’s for hurting him.”

Sebastian was a big man for just stumble back by the punch. He though howled in pain and shouted at Magnus. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” And soon before they knew, they were fighting in the middle of the pavement. Shouting, yelling and throwing aimless punches at each other.

“How dare you hurt Alec like that? If you can’t forgive him for something then how is it Love?” Magnus yelled once they got on their feet again, panting hard.

“Don’t you come and lecture me about love. What do you know about it huh?” Sebastian challenged.

“I may not know about love but I know Alec. He loves you. And you broke up with him. You’re a jerk.”

“Say for yourself, man. And FYI, you don’t know Alec. Not more than I do. I know Alec more than you. I know him better than you. And I didn’t break up with him. He did. I should be angry with him. But no, you dare to come and attack me. You blind bastard.” Sebastian yelled back and Magnus roared again.

They fell into another fight where Magnus was straddling Sebastian and throwing punches at his face yelling that the blond was lying and that he knows Alec better than anyone ever. Sebastian yelled at him to stop attacking his pretty face. It was going absurd when suddenly someone yanked Magnus away. Both Magnus and Sebastian saw horrified that it was Alec who broke them apart.

“Both of you, stop being nonsense idiots,” Alec grumbled at them furiously.

“Then tell him that I know you better than him.” Magnus snarled angrily.

“What?” Alec was surprised at Magnus’s tone, “Just stop, Magnus, seriously, I mean it.”

“Yeah, tell him what you feel, Alec. Tell him he’s the idiot for throwing you away. He doesn’t have any hold on you and still acts like you’re his.” Sebastian snarled back at both Magnus and Alec, “He can’t do that to you, Alec, just forget him. He’s only hurting you and he doesn’t even care.”

Alec glared at Sebastian, telling him to stop. Magnus had a different idea though. He lunged forward and Alec caught the action at his peripheral sight. He put himself in between and Magnus’s punch landed on Alec’s face instead of Sebastian who managed to roll away at a safe distance. When Magnus pulled back shocked by the outcome, Alec had already stumbled and landed on his bum on the pavement. Horrified they saw blood covering his face, his nose broken. Alec was too shocked to do anything except just look at his hands with blood.

Sebastian and Magnus both rushed in together to help Alec but he pushed them away. “No… don’t touch me.” Alec got up on his feet by himself, although wobbly and woozy from the sight of blood, “Both of you… stay away from me. I’m not a fucking prize you two can compete for. Just – Stay – The – Fuck – Away – From – Me.”

Humiliated, angry at both himself and at them and ashamed that he might be the reason for everything that happened and hurt that he was on the verge of losing both of his friends and hands full of blood, Alec ran away with tears streaming down his face.

 

3 weeks.

Magnus was restless. He still couldn’t get through and meet Alec. He knew he made a mistake and he needed to apologize for that. But Alec was effectively blocking him from everywhere, home, college, basketball court, the club, the diner, everywhere. He couldn’t even get a glimpse of Alec.

It was the most painful 20 days of his life. Whenever he thought about Alec, which was every moment, his heart beat like it wanted to run away from him. His eyes welled up every time he remembered Alec’s shocked face after the punch and the blood running down his nose and lips and on his hand. He couldn’t keep that voice out of his head which told him to stay away from Alec – Alec’s voice, the last words. He didn’t even know why it was hurting like he was dying. Was friendship supposed to hurt like that? Or was it because Alec was his best friend, his only friend who understood him? Or was it because he was still denying something?

It was hard to reach someone when the person shut themselves away from everyone. It was no exception for Alec either. But that boy only made it harder when his sister and other best friend took over the role of his protector. Izzy and Jace were always with him or always there to cover for him.

Lightwood house had a bit of blast since everyday Magnus showed up to see Alec and every time he either met Izzy or Jace calling him off. But that day was different.

As usual, Alec shouted from inside to Izzy to close the door and tell Magnus that he don’t wanna meet, only to get a reply that it wasn’t Magnus at the door. It was Sebastian. Alec looked up at Clary who was sitting at the dining table with him. Simon turned too from standing by the open fridge. Before any of them could react, Clary used her small figure and agility of being cheerleader once and dashed out of the room stopping right in front of Sebastian and slapped him tightly across his left cheek. Rest of them just winced at the sound and Clary hissing from the stinging palm, “You… how dare you hurt both of my best friends at the same time? How could you do that to Alec? I thought you said you love him…”

Clary was in the mood for more hissing and screaming and all but Jace just grabbed her and took her away after giving a slight nod to Alec. Simon took Izzy away before she also followed the path of her bestie, leaving Alec with him alone.

“I came to apologize… for that day. I’m sorry for how I reacted.” Sebastian said once they sat at the table rubbing his cheek where Clary slapped him.

“It’s okay. Probably I deserved that. I should’ve remembered he can’t hold anger, especially when it’s about me. He doesn’t feel the same about me but he’s really protective of me. He always was.” Alec shrugged him off.

“I don’t regret punching him or telling him off.”

“I know. I wouldn’t expect you to regret telling the truth you believe.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“That’s between him and me. Let’s not get into that mess again. I was an idiot for involving and using you like that. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I had my motive too. I really wanted us to work again. But I guess I underestimated your feelings for him.”

“So you’re leaving?”

“Yes. But if you still want, we can be friends. You know I don’t hold a grudge.”

“I don’t either. But I guess I’m better off alone.”

“You shouldn’t shut yourself for him, Alec. You deserve to be happy too.”

“And my happiness is him.” Alec finally snapped, “So, don’t… don’t try to…”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, I get it. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone. But know that I’m here, whenever you need me.”

“Thanks. Good bye.”

“Goodbye, Alec.”

They hugged once and then Sebastian was gone. Alec slumped into his chair. He was tired. He was really tired of all the feelings and fighting them all the time.

 

Magnus finally got to get Izzy alone after their classes. He convinced her to talk. Alec was her brother but Magnus was a best friend to her too. So she decided to give Magnus one chance.

“Talk,” she commanded as they sat at their table in the diner.

“How is he? How is his nose?” Magnus was fidgeting.

“He’s been better. He said that punch was strong… really strong… like furious maddening angry Hulk beating puny Loki strong.” Izzy noticed Magnus was bowing his head, his eyes were red. “What is going on, Magnus? What is happening between you two? Why are you two fighting like you guys are enemies, not best friends… like you two don’t know each other for years? Alec always forgives you. He forgave you for all the fights about Camille. You two always find your way back to each other. I know he doesn’t expect you to reciprocate his feelings. But then what happened that this time that he’s not ready to forgive? It can’t be all about Sebastian. He never even loved Sebastian to be hurt that much.”

“He never loved Sebastian?” Magnus was taken aback by the new information, “Then… the kiss… in prom… what was that? He kissed a guy at prom, I saw him.”

“Is it about that? Have you felt like this since then, since you saw Alec kissing someone? Magnus… are you…”

“Don’t… don’t say that word.” He grumbled. “He’s my best friend. I can’t be…”

“You can’t be jealous? Magnus, it’s a feeling. You can’t control feelings like that.” She exasperated and Magnus groaned. “Is he really your best friend? Is that how you feel? Then explain to me what is going on… tell me, Magnus… give me something so that I can believe you.”

“I… I just want to apologize to him… for that night… I never meant to hurt him.” he said after a few moments of silence.

“I’m sure you do. And I’m sure Alec knows that too. He knows that you’re protective about him. It’s hurting him too, Magnus, being away from you. But you need to know what you want… what you’re feeling.”

“I… I… I don’t know…” He looked frustrated.

“Talk to me, Mags. I’m your friend. I’ll help you. Just talk to me. Tell me how you feel. Tell me everything.”

 

“Where do I start?”

“Where do you think it all started? That’s always a good place to start.”

“That’s the thing, Iz. I don’t know when or where it started.”

“What happened at the prom? Let’s start from there.”

“The prom? Why do you think it’s from prom?”

“Why did you suddenly break up with Dot?”

“I didn’t break up with her. She did.”

“Why? Why did she break up with you just like that, on prom night?”

“She… uh… you know… I had… umm… I dated a lot of people before. I made out with some of them… kissed some too… but it was never more than that… some of them were only just friends… some needed me to fake it so they can make their crushes jealous… it was fun… I could easily flirt with them… but I never had sex… never slept with any of them… ever…” Magnus paused and peeked at Izzy who didn’t react but patiently listened to him. “Umm… Dot… she thought… there was more between us… she wanted more… she wanted to spend the night together…” he peeked at her again. This time she showed confusion, “She wanted to have sex…” Izzy’s lips made a silent O.

“I don’t understand why anyone would break up for that…”

“I said no. I didn’t wanna have sex that night… with her… I just wasn’t ready for sex… it’s a big step you know… a lot of kids make this mistake… getting into this thing on prom night… drunk and all… and it never turns out right… she kept insisting… and when I insisted no… she was just mad and…”

“She broke up with you?” Izzy finished his sentence. Magnus nodded. “What an ass! I thought she was a smart girl. I can’t believe she broke you with you for not having sex. It’s usually the other way around.” She grumbled. Magnus shrugged.

“Then Camille… why the hell did you go kissing her instead?” Izzy asked.

“Oh, that’s for two reasons. One, I was angry and two, she approached me and she was looking really smoking hot in that sexy little low cut black dress…”

“Magnus, TMI!” Izzy yelped, “I know you’re Bi. No need to imply that using Camille, seriously.” She laughed at her own poor joke. Magnus joined soon. “Why were you angry by the way? For Dot?” she asked sobering up from the laugh.

“No…” Magnus frowned as if he remembered something, “I was angry for… Alec…”

“Epiphany much?” Izzy finally asked when he saw the wide eyed look on Magnus. “Tell me what caused it.”

“Him kissing that boy I didn’t even see the face of. He was kissing a blond. Does he have a thing for blonds?”

“Magnus… point… stick to it… And he isn’t into blonds… trust me on that… Jace would’ve run for hills if it was something like that…” Izzy chuckled again, “The point is you got angry seeing Alec kissing Sebastian and then you found Camille to snog? Seriously?”

“Wait, what? That was Sebastian? In the prom… he was kissing Sebastian?”

“You really didn’t see huh!” Izzy smirked and Magnus shook his head. “So what happened after that? You were in love with Camille. She was definitely cheating on you all the time. We tried to show you and you finally found out. Why did you two fight about her so much then?”

“Like you all, he tried to show me that too. Actually, he was trying to protect me. Camille is the first person ever with whom I was in a serious relationship. Alec knew that. He knew I’d be heartbroken later. He was trying to save me from that. She was also the first person I had sex with, like proper sex. And it was great. I always thought Alec was jealous or something. I really thought she was different than people talked about her. I thought I could make it work. When she broke up with me for the first time, Alec took care of me. He took me home and we…” he stopped abruptly.

“You… What?” Izz enquired.

“Umm… we… talked… we talked that night…” Magnus lied. Izzy frowned. “Then I tried to get back together with her. I thought I could make it work with her. Alec got angrier. I still didn’t know why. Do you remember we met at the club around New Year? Alec and I had a fight again?” he asked and Izzy nodded. “That’s when the first time he told me… he told me he loves me… and he doesn’t expect anything from me. I thought he was just saying that to get me away from Camille. I didn’t believe him at first. I thought he was confused… that he probably mistook our friendship. But he never took his words back. And they started gnawing at me. Do you know how hard it is to know that your best friend loves you and means it and you know you can’t do anything about it? I keep hurting Alec. He keeps getting hurt for me. He looks at me with those hazel eyes and expectantly and I just lose my resolve. I knew Camille was a mistake… I was desperate to make it work but that day, at the basketball court; it didn’t even hurt that much when I broke up with her… at least not more than seeing Alec with Sebastian. And it kinda dawned on me that she wasn’t even in my heart. She never owned me like…”

“Like Alec does?” Izzy leaned in. She knew she hit the perfect aim when Magnus’s eyes went wide.

“It’s wrong, Iz. He’s… he’s my best friend… I can’t… I shouldn’t feel like this…”

“Like you just want him? Like you always want him with you? Like there’s a twist in your stomach when he’s laughing with someone else? Like your heart soars when he smiles at you?”

“Izzy… that is just simply wrong…”

“Magnus… relationships change. They evolve, with time and people in them. They either grow to be more or they just die… fall apart. It depends on what you want. Do you wanna redefine the boundaries? Or do you want to stop looking forward? Do you want it to evolve? Or do you want it to fade away?”

“Is that what you felt for Simon? Flutter in the stomach, shortness of breath, tingling everywhere?” Magnus made a weird face and Izzy laughed.

“Somewhat. Remember Heidi? It took Simon to go on a date with her once for me to understand that I don’t wanna let go of him. I don’t wanna share him and I most definitely don’t want to be his friend for rest of my life. I want more. So I told him. Thankfully, he felt the same and we are happy. One of us always has to take the first step. I guess he and I did it together.”

“Simon’s a good guy. He really loves you.”

“And before that, we were friends for a long time.” Izzy smirked, “Relationship do change Magnus and there is nothing wrong if they do. It matters how you take it.”

“So you’re saying I’m in love with Alec? My best friend of 15 years or so…”

“Maybe you are. Maybe you aren’t. You have to be the one to understand it… recognize it. I’m not saying anything. I’m just saying that if you do, it’s not wrong, that’s all.”

 

Izzy felt apprehended. Magnus was one of her best friends. But she didn’t want this confusion for him. She didn’t want him or her brother to suffer because of some stupid confusion that was pretty much obvious to everyone except them. She could see Magnus was suffering. She knew that he was head over heels in love with Alec. She could see it in Magnus’s eyes. But it wasn’t her place to say. Magnus was supposed to understand it by himself. There’s a joy in finding the love of your life. There’s a thrill in understanding that feeling and giving into it. She wanted Magnus to experience them. She didn’t want to take away the realization from him. She was sure sooner or later Magnus would understand that. And she only hoped, for the sake of both the boys, that Magnus would understand it sooner. It hurt her to see Alec in pain. It equally hurt her to Magnus in pain too.

The suffer for Alec was different. It was something Izzy had felt once with Simon and Heidi. She knew she won’t want to feel that again. It was probably one of the worst kind of suffering for someone to see their loved ones being in love with someone else. Even though Simon and Heidi had just one date and nothing more, it didn’t hurt her any less. That pain, that dull ache inside, tend to drive people crazy.

Some doesn’t give into that and fight back. They try to achieve back what is rightfully theirs. They fight for what they believe they deserve and know they will be happy with forever. They take the ultimate risk. Like Izzy did with Simon.

And some just gives up. They believe in the saying that “If you love someone, you should let them go if their happiness is with someone else.” They believe in “Gripping sand in fist only makes it slip away through your fingers and finally, you end up empty-handed.” Some people just let their love go and watch them be happy from afar. To them, it’s not about fighting for what they deserve. It’s like they just want their love to be happy, at any cost. Their own happiness doesn’t matter to them more than their love’s.

Someone like Alec, who was just letting Magnus go because he saw Magnus happy with others, in his own life. And that’s all he ever wanted, Magnus to be happy. It didn’t matter to him that every time when he saw Magnus being happy with someone, kissing someone, going on a date with someone or giving someone more priority, it killed him. He discarded the feeling that all those things daggered into his heart and soul like a thousand needles altogether.

It was painful to see that lost look on Alec, his clouded longing eyes, his breathing deep, his faltering steps and putting on a fake smile every time Magnus was around. It hurt to see that Alec was ready to wait forever for Magnus knowing very well that Magnus would never be his. And still, Izzy was helpless. She didn’t know how she could help her brother and her friend. She just had to sit back and watch one of the greatest friendships crumbling and falling apart because they both were giving up on each other in their own way.

But she had to do something. She did the last thing she could think of. The cheerleader and the basketball team of the college were arranging a fundraising weekend of a free carwash. Izzy was a part of that group. They were allowed to invite other students as volunteers. Jace, as a member of the basketball team, had asked Alec, Simon, and Clary and some more people to join. Izzy considered it a perfect opportunity for them to meet, hoping they’d be able to talk. So she invited Magnus who confirmed within seconds since Izzy said Alec would be there.

A week after, on the fundraising day, Magnus went late in the afternoon hoping there would be fewer people and he’d be able to actually talk to Alec than wash some car. Izzy told him to wear light colorful summer clothes as the season was approaching. So he wore a pair of faded overwashed jeans and a white short-sleeve shirt. He saw Alec wearing a three-quarter length ripped jeans with a white tank top. Magnus had to stop to recognize that it truly was Alec with his usual rugged look of messy hair and a big smile. His pale arms were covered in soap foams. He gawked at Alec as the boy bent over a hood of a car to wipe the glass and his biceps and back muscles flexed. In the afternoon sun, his pale skin was definitely glowing.

His ogling turned into a frown as he noticed a lot of boys around Alec and among them were Raj and Andrew who were known to be openly gay. He was shocked to see that Alec was flirting with them. So he didn’t see when Clary and Simon had come to stand beside him.

“If you’re wondering about Alec, he came out last week.” Simon started.

“Since people had already seen him with Sebastian, they kept speculating.” Clary kept on. “Alec just announced that he is gay and very much single. Now Raj and Andrew are after him since then. They wouldn’t just back off.”

“Can you believe that the shy Alec Lightwood who wouldn’t even talk to anyone other than us is openly flirting with anyone available?” Simon seemed amused.

“I wonder what changed him so drastically. He was a good man.” Clary taunted and they went away.

Magnus felt his cheeks heating. He understood her taunts. Alec had suddenly turned into a flirt like him; like he used to be. And it hurt, it hurt see Alec throwing his innocence away like that. He wondered if Alec had felt the same about him; if it had hurt Alec too seeing him flirting with others.

As the sun went down they closed the service for the day. It was time to party as it was the last of the fundraising event. Bottles of beer started to spread among the crowd. The party music started too. Magnus couldn’t catch Alec alone at all. He was either with Jace and his teammates or Raj or Andrew. He saw Alec laughing and joking with them. Alec was shamelessly flirting with anyone and everyone possible and never spared one look at Magnus.

He didn’t know why he was hurting. It was unbearable to see Alec like that, best friend or more. He cared about Alec. He didn’t want Alec to turn into someone like that. He hated it. Angry, hurt and mindless, he turned to drinks. And as obvious, he lost count and sense after his 4th beer. He was drinking to his heart’s content. He started to let go of himself again and started dancing with the girls. He recognized Dot among them and danced crazily with her. “Hey, Dot… thanks for breaking up with me.” He slurred.

“What? Magnus, you’re drunk. You’re thanking me for breaking up.”

“Yes, I am. If you hadn’t broken up with me, I wouldn’t go to find my best friend who I seem to have fallen in love with and see him kissing a boy. I felt it in here, you know,” he patted his heart to show where he felt hurt. “I don’t want him to kiss anyone but me. So thanks for making me realize that I wanna go down all the way with my best friend.” He chuckled uncontrollably.

“You’re not making any sense, Magnus.” Dot replied and Magnus stopped for a moment. Out of nowhere, he just hugged Dot, laughed and started dancing again.

After that Magnus suddenly saw Alec just behind Dot. He grinned seeing that Alec was standing there alone and watching them with a grim look. So he went to Alec. He needed to do what he came to do. So unceremoniously he threw his arms around Alec’s neck, “Hey Alec… Finally, I got you alone. Do you know how long I was waiting to do this? I know I hurt you… made so many mistakes. But can you forgive me, please? I really want you, Alec. I can’t see you with someone else. It makes me feel… jealous. I wanna kiss you. Can I kiss you?” and without waiting for an answer, Magnus reached up and pressed his lips on Alec’s which lay unresponsive beneath his. 

Izzy saw it. Simon saw it. Clary saw it. Alec saw it.

They saw the disappointed and hurt look on Alec.

They saw Alec walking away.

And Jace… oh, he felt it.

 

Simon is known to be the coolest guy ever. He’s always smiling. If some idiot calls him bad words, he doesn’t get angry. He just smiles at them and tells them "thank you" which tends to infuriate people more but turned out effective. After junior school name-calling has reduced for him marginally. It’s hard to make Simon angry, except if you start trashing Star Wars. But even then he wouldn’t get much angry. He’d rather sit you down and try to educate you. He’s got a different and unique approach to handling things. But Magnus Bane seems to be the first man who made him angry. It was a great feat, for both of them.

Magnus woke up Simon harshly pulling off his duvet and shaking him, “Get up, Izzy wants to talk to you.”

“Simon? What… where…?” Magnus sat up feeling the hangover quite well. Not only his head but his whole body was hurting. His eyes were sensitive to light.

“My house. Now get up please.” Simon was still polite enough to say please. He still was angry but didn’t let it show.

Magnus groaned and took the phone placing it at his ear. He was pretty much sure Izzy would be shouting at him for drinking so much or something else. He was ready to flinch away from the phone and wince. But none of that happened. Instead, he heard Izzy’s deathly cold voice that rang even more sharply in his ears.

“You asked for one chance. I gave you one chance. Wish I had some idea that you’d blow it away like that. Did you really need to do that, screw with my brother like that? You really needed to hurt him so much? You know what, congrats, Magnus. You finally ruined everything. Hopefully, now you’ll be in peace.” Izzy was about to cut the call.

Magnus was stunned for a moment. He heard everything but didn’t understand what she was talking about. “Wait, Iz, what are you talking about? What have I done now? Why am I at Simon’s place? Where is Alec? Why did he leave me?”

“You still have the audacity to ask about him, huh! Don’t pretend like you don’t remember what you did last night.” Izzy snarled.

“Izzy, I remember I kissed Alec. What’s wrong with that? I apologized for everything and I kissed him… is he angry because I kissed him in front of everyone?” Magnus was definitely oblivious. In front of him, Simon scowled weirdly at him like he’s never seen Magnus before or he’s grown up horns on his head overnight like a devil or something. There was a complete silence from Izzy. He was about to talk again when Simon snatched the phone away from him. He looked at Simon confused.

“Izzy, you’re on speaker,” Simon put the phone on speaker before talking, “And he doesn’t remember. He really thinks he kissed Alec.”

“What do you mean I think I kissed Alec? I did kiss Alec. And I remember it.” Magnus snapped.

“Babe, he’s not lying. You should’ve seen his face.” Simon said. Izzy was still silent.

“What the hell is going on? Izzy… Simon? Will any of you tell me something?” Magnus was impatient.

“Show him the video.” Izzy finally said and the line went dead. Simon gave him an I-feel-sorry-for-you-buddy look. Now Magnus was scared. Simon gave him the phone again. He looked at the video wide eyed.

Halfway through the video, Magnus screamed, “The fuck I did that… Fucking fuck… tell me this is some sick joke…” he wailed at Simon who only shook his head and seemed to sympathize with him.

“Buddy… you really did do that. You were way too drunk.”

“Alec… he would never ever forgive me for that. He hates it when I drink that much anyway… after this… fuck… he’s gonna hate me forever… shit… how am I gonna tell him now that I love him…” Magnus tore at his hair.

“Just go and talk to him. Tell him what you just told me. Maybe he’ll listen.” Simon softened at his panicked look.

“And what if he doesn’t? What if he never wants to see me again? What if he hates me forever? What am I gonna do without him?”

Simon wondered if Magnus was listening to himself. He couldn’t believe that in that panicked state Magnus actually expressed his feelings. But he always messed it up with the right person at the right time. Simon sighed and shook his head. He understood why Izzy felt so frustrated with Magnus and Alec.

“You wouldn’t know the answer until you meet him. And if you really feel like that, like what you just said, then you’ll have to fight and earn his forgiveness.”

Magnus sat back staring at the phone. “Now will you go by yourself or do I need to kick you out?” he snapped out of his thoughts by sudden growling from Simon. He scrambled up on his feet and ran for the door, without saying bye or thanks.

 

An hour or so later Magnus located Alec at the swimming club. He cursed himself for not thinking it sooner. Alec is a swimmer, a really good one. Summer was coming. So it was quite obvious Alec would be at the pool, swimming up and down the length of the pool or practice breathing sitting underwater. That’s his idea to chill. Alec always goes there to clear his mind or work out his angry energy. Only this time he found Alec sitting on the diving board at 10ft height. Magnus was scared of height. But he climbed up the narrow ladder for Alec.

“Alec…”

“Go away.”

“I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. Alec, please…”

“I don’t wanna talk to you.”

“Alec, please… Please… Just talk to me… I… Don’t be angry…”

“Jace, Magnus… Jace… how could you not realize…”

“I was drunk… I know it’s not an excuse… but…”

“It isn’t an excuse. How many times have I begged you to not drink that much?”

“I’m sorry, okay… I’m really sorry… I’ll listen to you now… forever… I mean it…”

“I can’t… I don’t even wanna think about it… It gave me nightmares all night…”

“It’ll give me nightmares for the rest of my life, Alec…”

“Seriously… Jace… you kissed Jace… You hugged Dot… all in one evening… and you expect me to forgive you… huh…”

“If you wanna punish me… Do that… just don’t break up with me, please… don’t hate me… please don’t be angry with me…”

“Magnus… how many times do I need to tell you that I can’t hate you? Right now I wish I could but I can’t… which hurts more… and we are not in a relationship that I’ll break up with you for kissing someone else. You’re single. You can kiss anyone… do whatever you want… who am I to stop you or be angry… It just hurts that you kissed Jace, my friend… my sort of brother… it’s just… it’s… gross.”

“Gross… yes… you’re right about that… I can’t imagine I kissed him… of all people…”

“Jace is the straightest guy I’ve ever known… and you went on snogging him in front half the college. You’ve put him in legit shock. And Clary… oh, she wants to kill you.”

“I don’t care…”

“You don’t?” Alec finally looked at Magnus who was still standing on the ladder. Only he knew how fast his heart was beating, how afraid he was to fall and how hard he was gripping on the side-rail. Alec narrowed his eyes at him. “You know you should sit before you faint or have a heart attack or fall and break something.” Yeah, okay, only Alec would be able to read him just by looking at him. He should’ve known better to secure this boy before all this, dumb him.

Alec gave him a hand which he took gratefully and sat on the swinging board beside the boy who was wearing only a swim trunk.

“I really don’t care if Clary wants to murder me. I just want you to not be sad about it and hate me. And please don’t ever think that you can’t be angry with me. You have every right to be angry with me. I’m single doesn’t mean I can do anything and everything and hurt you every time. It was a mistake. Never in my right mind would I kiss Blondie. For heaven’s sake, I’m into a raven-haired boy who’s hundred, thousand times prettier than him.”

“Huh!” Alec seemed to be lost somewhere. He was looking down at the water.

“Alec… I mean you.” Magnus paused. Alec didn’t move at all. “I wanted to kiss you last night. Actually, I thought I was kissing you.”

“You mean you were too drunk to notice you were kissing Jace? You thought he was me? I don’t even remotely look like him… he’s blond for starter… and fitter… and a couple of inches shorter in case you didn’t notice before.”

“Exactly, you are more handsome than him. I should’ve seen that. My excuse sucks.”

 

“Why did you wanna kiss me?” Alec asked after a long pause. Both of their legs were dangling down. They sat side by side with their hands on the board beside them keeping support. Magnus moved his hand to rest on Alec’s that made the boy look at him.

“I wanted to apologize for the other day actually… for how I behaved,” Magnus gripped Alec’s hand tighter. “Sebastian made me mad. And then he broke up with you. And you looked hurt… I couldn’t stop myself…” he started to babble but sobered when Alec shot him a look. “Look… I guess the thing is… what I mean is… I… I wanted to tell you that… Damn it, Alec, I can’t see you with someone else.” He huffed, “It… it… it makes me… jealous. It angers me to see you kissing someone else. It hurts, Alec. Friendship or love… I don’t know… but I know that I want you… I want you all to myself… I can’t share you with someone else… I can’t see you happy like that with someone else… because I want to make you happy… I want you to be happy with me… I want to make you smile… I want you to smile with me, for me… I want this… whatever this is… to last forever… I want those nights with you… I want those times when you were mine only… when you cuddled me… and you looked so peaceful… I want to see you like that every time with me…” he paused and looked at Alec who biting his lip. There was the tiniest ghost of a smile playing on his face but it was too hard to recognize.

Alec didn’t move his hand or looked at him. He just sat still and let Magnus talk, “I don’t know if it makes sense or not… But I want you… I want all of you… however you are… however I can have you… I just want you and nobody else… You know, subconsciously I always compared everyone with you. None of them made me as happy as your one smile did. I really don’t understand this feeling because I’ve never felt something like this, for anyone. I don’t know if it’s love or friendship or what… I just know that I want this… I want this with you… And I want more… with you… I want you… for a damn long time. You know everybody tells me that I love you and it’s very much obvious. I’m still trying to figure it out. But I can’t be without you, Alec… I don’t wanna be without you.”

Alec kept quiet for a long time. Magnus was done talking. He finally managed to speak his mind. But he was also scared that it won’t be enough for Alec. He wanted Alec to say something. But at the same time, he was also death scared of Alec’s reply. He had no idea what to expect. So he just waited.

“How long have we known each other, Mags, 15 years almost?” Alec finally said. Magnus nodded in reply, “And we’ve been the best friends ever since. And now we’re college students. We have a whole life ahead of us. But I’ve never been so sure about a feeling before. I know what I feel about you won’t change. Since I’ve felt it for years, I’m pretty much sure it can’t go away either. You are the only person I’ve felt like this ever and I never expected you to feel the same. I just let it be there knowing I won’t be able to do anything about it ever. I was scared that if I told you… if you won’t feel the same… that I might lose you. And for some time I did maybe.” He paused and breathed deeply, “I just know that I want this. I want you. And that’s enough for me. We both made mistakes. We both hurt each other. I used Sebastian to see if you react or not. It was wrong to use him and his feelings. It was wrong to push you to feel something. We can’t make someone feel something, Mags. It has to be already there to feel it.”

“You used Sebastian to make me feel… something?” Magnus couldn’t just believe Alec. It sounded really wrong and he sounded bitter.

“Yes, I did. That night, when I broke up with him… he was about to leave anyway. I don’t know why I made a scene. And then it went out of control. I’m sorry, Mags. I’m really sorry I… I didn’t think what I was doing.” Alec really sounded sorry.

“So we both made mistakes… we both deceived each other…”

“You didn’t deceive me… not like I did. You don’t have to feel obligated to feel something for me, Mags. I was just being petty I guess. I understand if you don’t…”

“You’re making the mistake again you know,” Magnus interrupted Alec, “Don’t deceive me. What I said before, I meant it.  After everything, we always find our way back to each other. We always come back to each other. That tells me that maybe this is what love is. Or it can be a stage of friendship we didn’t explore before.” He shrugged.

“Wanting to kiss my best friend to breathless and touch him and want to have more with him is a stage of friendship? Then why do I feel like I just wanna scream and tell people that I love you and you are mine so they stay away from you? Why are they so complicated, friendship and love? Why can’t we have both and still be happy?” Alec seemed lost in thought, “You know, I read somewhere that love is friendship. So maybe…”

“Maybe you can shut up now so I can kiss you? Because swear on God, I wanted to do it since last night. I’m dying to ki-” Magnus was shut up as abruptly as he had started talking. Alec swiftly captured Magnus’s lips and deepened the kiss. They continued until their lungs hurt.

“You’re an idiot, Bane.” Alec chuckled throwing his head back.

“So are you, Lightwood.” Magnus panted hard from the kiss. After a pause, once he calmed down a bit, “So you forgive me?” he asked.

“Magnus, I know you’d never ever kiss Jace willingly, not like that, if that’s what you’re apologizing about. So I do understand it was a mistake. Just promise me you won’t do things like that again. And do you forgive me?”

“God, I promise you, Alec… I so fucking promise you. I’ll not hurt you ever again. Also, I don’t think I can do anything but forgive you. If I was in your place, maybe I would’ve done the same. Seeing what jealousy did to me, I can’t blame you for trying something.”

“Good… So is this us finding our way back to each other again?”

“Mistakes are mistakes, Alec. But we always reconcile. That’s what we do.”

“I don’t think I can be without you, love or not.”

“Being away from you… it only hurt… a lot.”

“Don’t ever kiss a blond again.” Alec joked nudging his shoulder against Magnus’s.

“Yeah, you should remember that too.” Magnus joked back grumpily.

“And don’t drink that much. You know alcohol is injurious to health. And I want you healthy and with me for a long time.” Alec finally cracked a smile.

“I promised already. Now don’t get bossy with me.” Magnus grumbled and looked at Alec who was staring back at him with his head tilted to a side and an amusing smile. Magnus knew that look. It was the devious Alec. Oh no…

Before Magnus could react, he knew he was screaming at the top of his voice and flailing his limbs everywhere. Thankfully, the pool was empty except the two of them.

Magnus pushed wet hair from his face and glared at Alec circling him underwater. Then he playfully swatted at Alec’s chest and splashed the moment after he resurfaced in the water. Alec had taken his hand and made them jump into the water and laughed cutely.

“Don’t ever do that to me again, Lightwood. I hate you.” Magnus grumbled as Alec swiped a hand on his face getting water out of his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I love you too.” Alec floated around and laughed.

Alec swam closer and gathered Magnus in his arms and locked their lips effectively shutting Magnus up. Magnus just smiled into the kiss and melted. He was bloody sure he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than where he already was. He murmured a soft ‘I love you’ back between breaths which only made Alec kiss him more. He didn’t know why he felt like saying it. But after saying it, he was sure it felt right to finally say it to Alec.

 

Love comes to all of us in different forms. Universe has its way to bring to us. For Magnus and Alec, it came in the form of Best friends. They just needed time to understand, accept and redefine their relation which really cost them a lot. Their story didn’t have the usual beginning like any other love story. But true love always finds each other. For them, everything came first and love came later. For them, friendship came first and being lovers came later. They fought a lot but they always went back to each other. They knew they’ll always make mistakes. But to them, it was important that they always reconcile afterward. And so, they finally are happy, with each other. Thank God for that.

 

**_The End_ **

**Author's Note:**

> There are some editing changes here than the posts on Instagram as the last and final editing was done before posting the story here.  
> Please leave comments and kudos if you want to. They are very much appreciated.  
> The tag for this story on Instagram is - #MistakesAndReconciliationFF


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